The Morning After: Week 14...

...and counting.

We've reached that point in the NFL season where math starts to matter, dear readers. I know, I know, I wish I would have payed more attention in algebra too. But have no fear! I've called in my friend Captain Math to help us swim through the murky-mathematical-NFL-Playoff-scenario waters.

So grab your swimmies, dive in and be prepared for some shrinkage.

Wait. What?

Really?

Change in plans, dear readers. Apparently Captain Math has misplaced his abacus cape and isn't prepared to speculate Playoff scenarios with us today. Let's all get out of the water before our hands get pruney.

Thanks for nothing, Captain Math.

I hope you get demoted.

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Quick Thinking
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-- The older I get the more I realize how effin' hard being human is.

-- Brain Food: A study done by the Center for Public Integrity shows one in five college women will be raped, or experience an attempted rape, before graduation.

-- And less than 5 percent will report the crime.

-- Do better, fellas. Take the "e" off the end of your "rap."

-- Brain Food II: What is the name & location of the oldest bar in the world? (answer below)

-- Memo to Daryl Johnston: Don't be afraid to put the lights on when you get dressed.



-- And the media thought Randy Moss' effort on Sunday was offensive.

-- Yikes.

-- Luck, not talent, will help the Patriots make the Playoffs this year.

-- I hope the Colts or Saints run the table so I never hear from Mercury Morris again.

-- Ever.

-- Shannon Spake looks better as a brunette.

-- The Red Sox are closer with the Lackey and Crawford signings.

-- But they still need a few big bats to make noise in 2010.

-- Quote of the Week comes from my boy Sean when, while we stood in line near the bar waiting to order beers at The Avery in Providence when an obvious drag queen squeezed ahead of us to get the bartender's attention, he quipped, "We'll just wait our turn. Anyone with a dick who is confused enough to wear a dress is dangerous."

-- Friends that share my sense of humor comfort me like a warm blanket.

-- We'd be up shit's creek sans paddle without Wes Welker.

-- The only thing that can stop the Boston Celtics from winning another championship this year is the injury bug.

-- Brain Food II Answer: Sean's Bar in Athlone, Ireland.

-- Wish I would have known that during my '06 trip.

-- The Patriots need to get their first road win this weekend or their up-and-down season is all but over.

-- The Winter Classic feels like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to attend a hockey game inside storied Fenway Park.

-- I wish I had tickets.

-- And I don't even enjoy watching hockey.