Define "Cheating"

- verb (used without object, informal): to be sexually unfaithful (often followed by "on")

I feel compelled to start this blog with an apology regarding the headline.

"Why?"

Good question. Early participation points, class. Well done.

I'm sorry because, based on this blog's title, readers who know me might be thinking I'm going to offer a comprehensive opinion on "cheating" in relationships. And, while I have an infinite number of opinions on cheating in relationships through my personal field research and shared experiences with friends & family, I'm not going to write about that topic today. Or any other day for that matter.

It's a door I simply don't want to open.

"Why?"

Again? You're quite inquisitive today, dear readers. Dangerously inquisitive. I use the word "dangerously" because the topic of cheating, thrust into the spotlight by Tiger Woods' recent transgressions, is polarizing. Extremely polarizing.

Lots of adverbs flying around today.

In addition to being polarizing, view points on cheating tend to be very gender specific and I'm weary adding fuel to an already heated gender debate.

Very weary.

Or maybe I just need some motivation.

[MOTIVATIONAL SIDE NOTE: START]

Is there another kind of opinion other than a comprehensive one?

That's a rhetorical one, folks. If an opinion is not comprehensive -- it's not an opinion -- it's simply a declarative statement made for simple conversation.

Do the world a favor and stop making statements and start having opinions. Real opinions.

YOUR opinions.

[MOTIVATIONAL SIDE NOTE: END]

That helped.

Ok, here goes: The reason I don't want to openly discuss the topic of cheating isn't fear. Fear has nothing to do with it. Nor am I worried about any personal repercussions from blogging about such a taboo topic.

That's an important statement, dear readers. I've made peace with myself and every relationship I've been in. Truth be told, I make "peace" with myself almost everyday in the shower. Peace be with you.

And also with you.

But, as far as past relationships go, I've cheated in some and was cheated on in others.

Cheating is simple. Cheating is about the person who's doing it. The "cheater" is attempting to quench some strange thirst they feel -- either born from childhood issues, insecurities or the fact that they feel the need to fuck everyone they see. Whatever the reason, CHEATING IS SELF-IMPOSED. It's a singular decision made by the person doing it. Period.

Cheating is NOT about the deficiencies of the significant-other being cheated on. Most of the time, it's not even about the hotness or intriguing qualities of the "other person." The significant-other and "other person" are simply characters in the life-movie of the cheater.

The cheater isn't thinking "will this hurt my significant other?" They're not thinking, "I wonder if the 'other person' is cheating on someone, too." If any of those thoughts occurred to the cheater they wouldn't be cheating. The cheater is filling a void -- others emotions and feelings aren't in the equation.

However, cheating behavior does evolve. The reason a cheater cheats when he/she's 18 are completely different from the reason they cheat when they're 25, etc. If someone tells you different they're lying. Or, they're too detached from themselves to understand why they're doing what they're doing in life. And the "detached," dear readers, are the scariest type of people in this world.

I'm going far deeper than I ever intended.

Moving forward, am I a bad person for cheating? No. Are the girls who cheated on me bad people? No. I would argue that they're stupid, but that doesn't necessarily make them "bad." Listen, I'm not DEFENDING cheaters. I'm just looking at the behavior for what it is. Cheating makes both parties what they are: human. Nothing more.

The good news is cheating is a behavior. It can be unlearned if the cheater realized why they've done it in the past and resolve to never do it again. Changing the behavior may not be easy but it can be accomplished.

Shit, I've certainly gotten away from my original blog thought. I need to end this relationship cheating digression.

The last thing I'm going to say about cheating in relationships is actually the reason I didn't want to start down this slippery slope in the first place. But, as my typing has continued, I feel impelled to type my final thought.

Ready?

The reason I didn't want to get into a blog about infidelity in relationships is because it's inevitable. And, faced with that hard truth, people get upset. Getting upset about cheating in relationships is a waste of time. The fact of the matter is this: everyone will experience relationship infidelity during the course of their lifetime.

EVERYONE.

Zero exceptions. Me, you, your current boyfriend, my first girlfriend, your dad, my mom, my old priest, everyone. End of discussion. Relationships are easier if you accept it, live life not judging those that do and just try and understand why they do it.

I guess I need to amend my beginning apology. And, to pull a line from my favorite movie: I'm sorry I'm not sorry about a potentially misleading title. Clearly, it wasn't misleading at all.

However, I am sorry I had to be the one to tell you about the reality of cheating in relationships.

Well, maybe.