The Morning After: Week 13

New England, we have a problem...

I'm going to heed the advice of my elders and stay my tongue this week because I don't have anything nice to say, dear readers. How could I, you ask? Well, the frustration from 2nd half collapses and lottery ticket mistresses is simply too much for me to combat this week.

But, if this week in sports is anything like our previous one, I'll abandon silence and listen to Mrs. Alice Roosevelt Longworth's advice when it comes to sharing one's opinion concerning others.

Hope all of you will be sitting next to me.

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Quick Thinking
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-- Our New England Patriots just lost back-to-back games for the first time since 2006.

-- We can't lose 3 in a row.

-- Can we?

-- There's nothing worse than having a chance to dig out that bothersome nose nugget while leaving your home only to look up and see your neighbor waving at you.

-- The rapid nose-pick-to-wave motion is pretty obvious.

-- And awkward.

-- My Week 3 prediction that "despite the win over Atlanta, the Patriots still feel like a .500 team to me" was met by skepticism and laughter by all my closest friends and family members.

-- So was my preseason prediction that the Steelers had a "2006" vibe about them and would finish the season around 8-8.

-- But you know what they say about he who laughs last...

-- Congratulations to my team, The Unknowns, for not having a regular season victory in our 30-plus Men's Basketball League but somehow managing to win the Championship in the final seconds last week.

-- It's all about how you finish, y'all.

-- Hope the Patriots take notice.

-- Quote of the Week comes from yours truly in response to my long-haired, headband wearing opponent saying "fuck you" to me following a block I made against him in the final seconds of said championship game, "I have a flowbee in my trunk if you want a trim before you head home...or some eyeliner to complete your look. Whatever works."

-- I guess I'd be mad too if my team was the number 1 seed and we lost the Championship to a team who didn't win in the regular season.

-- In our defense, though, the playoffs were the only time our entire team showed up.

-- Maybe we should change our team name to The Possums.

-- The cracks in the New England Patriots' dynasty foundation are getting bigger week by week.

-- Tiger Woods' over active libido implies some sort of testosterone boosting PED use.

-- With a heaping side of ego juice.

-- And maybe a few resulting STDs.

-- It makes perfect sense that Mindy Lawton, the fifth woman to come forward and claim an affair with Tiger Woods, is the "ugliest" of the bunch. After all, she lived in his home town and would frequently cross paths with Woods.



-- The wisdom of Hannibal Lecter knows no bounds.

-- I'm starting to think Christmas decorations may be Tony Romo's kryptonite.

-- Or maybe it's the seasonal music.

-- Proud Uncle Moment of the Week comes from researching RI Youth Sports in The Valley Breeze and reading that, "Tyge Joyce is one of the team's [Lincoln's] best shooters and is a threat from anywhere on the offensive end."

-- Keep shooting, TJ3. Keep shooting.

-- Just remember to get your uncle a press pass when you make it big.

-- The fact that Tiger Woods has gone from untouchable athlete to comedic fodder for talk show hosts annoys me.

-- No. I'm not condoning his behavior.

-- The Green Mile, a movie getting a lot of airtime on AMC lately, is one of two movies to make me cry as an adult.

-- The other was the video footage of my wedding day.

-- I don't think either will have a sequel.

-- Quote of the Week II comes from my boy Kevin as we flipped through The Phoenix's personal section while eating some slices at Fellini's Pizza, "Shit, there can't be that many girls in the state of RI trying to pay their way through college."

-- Showtime's Dexter makes serial killing look fun.

-- Just when I thought I had shed my musical guilty pleasure Timbaland goes and releases Carry Out featuring Justin Timberlake.

-- Curse you, your hypnotic beats & your dreamy collaborator, Timbaland.

-- Curse you.