Quick Thinking: Used to Win

The media scrutiny surrounding Tom Brady's recent, um, "style malfunctions" has got people wondering, sometimes even aloud, a thought once considered blasphemy in Patriot Nation: what the hell has happened to our franchise quarterback?

And, frankly, it's difficult to think of anything else after viewing them.





See?

Lucky for us, the answer is simpler than you think. And it isn't found in the Spygate scandal or the Patriots suspect defense as of late or Wes Welker's near miss reception in last year's Super Bowl.

Nope, none of the above.

The answer can be found, however, in the most unlikely of sources: former pony-tailed, big screen bad ass Steven Seagal.

That's right.

Steven.

Seagal.

Brady is suffering from a classic case of Steven Seagal Syndrome, y'all. The waning star infliction. Our boy is the football talent equivalent of one gone from being able to clear a path to Richie with a towel, a cue ball and a few short clotheslines in Out for Justice to an overweight, past his prime has-been with diminishing skills writing folk music while playing sheriff in Louisiana.


 
On second thought, maybe this explanation doesn't make me feel as lucky as I thought.

It sucks but, truth be told, Brady isn't the winner he used to be. And we'll probably never see him be one again. His transition from Super Bowl winning quarterback to Gisele Bunchen's wife is nearly complete.

Curse you, Steven Seagal Syndrome.

And your shitty symptomatic folk music.

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Quick Thinking
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-- When Mike Wilbon & Tony Kornheiser talk sports, I listen.

-- Same goes for Scott Van Pelt.

-- I can't say the same for the "Big O" on WEEI.

-- Romance is the curse of the ugly.

-- So is greed.

-- Think about it.

-- Wearing my headset while playing Xbox feels like the scarlet letter of immaturity.

-- But still finding flatulence funny doesn't.

-- Go figure.

-- In light of all the "bounty" talk in sports, I'd like to admit my own past transgressions: every Thursday thru Sunday in college I had a bounty out on any Natty Ice beer can within my immediate reach.

-- Sometimes on Monday, too.

-- Shit, who am I kidding? The bounty was also in effect on Tuesday & Wednesday.

-- I hope you can all forgive me.