We need to stop the madness, dear readers. Please.
Stop. The. Madness.
Choosing sides of some fictitious battle between wolves and bats has become an unhealthy distraction for some of you and, as a result, I'm forced to start a counter-attack in hopes of balancing the scales. So, that said: fuck Team Jacob. And Team Edward, for that matter.
That's right. I said it.
I'm on Team Terrence.
And I encourage all of you to be an active participant on Your Team, too.
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Quick Thinking
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-- The dog days are right around the corner with the Yanks, Sox and Rays separated by a P-hair, or 1.5 games, atop the AL East.
-- Anticipate accordingly.
-- Landon Donovan is further proof that having a hot wife doesn't preclude infidelity.
-- Memo to Tom Brady: Please cut your hair and start acting more like the 3-time Super Bowl Champion we've all come to love and less like the supermodel wife we've grown far too familiar with seeing lately.
-- Just because a person is skilled at telling stories doesn't mean every story they tell is a "story." Know what I'm saying?
-- How I Got Over, the latest installment of The Roots' musical evolution, will invade your brain with its hooks, beats and choruses.
-- Right On.
-- Language Barrier Quote of the Week goes to my new colleague Patrick Cartier for saying the following when attempting to order a post training session libation at a Mexican restaurant in Newington, CT, "Can I have a glass of cerveza, please."
-- At least he used "gracias" correctly.
-- Not as embarrassing as the time I attempted to order "Apple Pie a la mode with ice cream" from T.G.I. Fridays back in '91.
-- Needless to say, my date took 2nd base off her menu later that night on account of my idiocy.
-- True story.
-- I'm tired of hearing about referees dictating the outcome of sporting events.
-- Regardless of the sport.
-- Vampires and werewolves engaged in an epic Shakespearean battle for the affection of a woman is fiction, ladies.
-- And bad fiction at that.
-- Am I the only one fighting a strong urge to say "for the pushin'" whenever someone says "cushion?"
-- FOR THE PUSHIN'!!!!!!
-- I know, I know...it's juvenile.
-- Pull my finger and we'll talk about it.
* extends finger *
2 comments:
Where does all this hatred for Twilight come from? It’s a chic book/flic, written for an audience of girls age 15-25. No one expects you to like it! Women like love stories, real and fictitious, hence Cinderella, The Notebook, Romeo and Juliet, etc. If it’s the werewolf vs. vampire component that has you frazzled, let me explain- woman love bad boys- the more dangerous and unpredictable, the better. Vampires are ultimate bad boy, they can kill you AND eat you. Fabulous! Chics love it. Same theory applies to True Blood. And please don’t tell me it’s the infatuation with young hot boys with no shirts on, as you post a half naked woman, usually younger than yourself, in all of your blogs. (Bar Refaeli is 10 years your junior.) Please explain your aversion to this pop phenomenon, as it appears to push your buttons harder than necessary. :)
Dear jess :),
It seems my hyperbolic views have been mistaken for hatred.
Let me try and explain.
I "make fun" of the bats and lycans because, well, it's easy. And I have less of an issue with the "fiction" than I do with the marketing machine that encourages it.
Have you seen the Volvo commercial? I mean, c'mon. Even someone who "loves" Jakey and Eddie can recognize what a stretch of cash cow marketing nonsense that is.
Plus, the whole "bad boy" argument doesn't really work for me. Zombies can kill you AND eat you too, but I don't see the ladies swooning over their undead bodies.
I guess having a vocabulary of "Brraaaaiiiinnnnnsssssss!!" isn't brooding enough.
However, as embarrassing as it is for me to admit, the real crux of the issue is I always wanted to be a 15-25 year old girl. What can I say? Pink is my favorite color and dresses really look quite comfortable.
Rawr.
Rest assured, though, I'll move away from my "hatred" for Twilight in the coming weeks and focus on something more universally despised.
Like Justin Bieber.
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