Quick Thinking: No One Likes a Tattletail

A respected family member once told me "believe nothing you hear and half of what you see." The fact that she didn't coin the phrase doesn't minimize the truth ringing through it. With her sage instruction in mind, I'd like to offer my own slice-of-life advice to all of you:

"Believe nothing you hear, half of what you see and mind your own fucking business."

And we're off...

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Quick Thinking
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-- Never minimize the complicated nuances of an individual's life thinking you, as an outsider, can understand them by looking at a few online photographs.

-- Or by attempting to go through their iPhone.

-- Yes. You.

-- Password is 6447 by the way.

-- The only way Orlando has a chance against the Celtics is if they hire the Gillooly boys to go all "Tonya Harding" on Rondo's knee.

-- Why?

-- Whhy?

-- Whhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy?

-- While all of us are made up of between 55 and 75 % water, most of us are made up of 100 % Haterade.

-- Keep drinking it in, y'all. Keep drinking it in.

-- Birthdays just aren't that important to me.

-- Celtics vs. Lakers in the NBA Finals is inevitable.

-- I've never seen one episode of Lost.

-- In fact, I've never even seen one minute of one episode of Lost.

-- And, thanks to Josh Elliott and ESPN, I never will.

-- People who live their lives focused on other people's lives are a sad lot.

-- Smart Water, indeed.



-- Douchebag Award of the Week goes to yours truly for, well, being a douchebag.

-- If she was my wife, I wouldn't care about earning a parking spot for off season workout participation either.



-- Quote of the Week comes from the mighty Mos Def while rhyming on Common's track Questions, "How you got high expectations but got low patience?"

-- Ponder accordingly.

-- It's a good thing Magic Johnson could play because he can't analyze a game worth shit.

-- The Boston Bruins losing both game 7 and the series after leading 3-0 in each is further proof that sports gods exist.

-- And, apparently, they're not part of Bruin Nation.

-- But neither am I.

-- At least Floyd Landis isn't bitter or anything.

-- If Landis' claims are as "bullshit" as Lance says they are, Mr. Armstrong should simply dismiss them instead of having an impromptu press conference asserting his innocence.

-- Like most things on the Internet, Mr. Skin is pretty useless. Any heterosexual worth his merit inherently remembers nude scenes of attractive starlets.

-- I've said it once and I'll say it again: John Papelbon is the proverbial albatross hanging around the neck of the Sox bullpen.

-- I'm not sure what's worse: Hooters threatening to fire employees based on weight or these "chubby" attention whores going to local news stations to complain about it.

-- Feels like a marketing ploy to me.

-- The irony, of course, is "the camera" tends to add ten pounds.

-- Memo to TMZ Nation: Pictures of newly crowed Miss America, Rima Fakih, from 2007 dancing on a stripper pole shouldn't be considered "newsworthy."

-- You show me a beauty pageant winner and I'll show you 10 guys who have pictures and/or videos of her doing things her father wouldn't approve of.

-- Shit, they should just add an "Inappropriate Media" category to all future pageants and showcase contestants' lewd and lascivious behavior.

-- Might even help with ratings, Donald.

-- Turns out LeBron's playoff performance suffered from rumors surrounding his mother's love life and not from an injured elbow as was originally speculated.

-- I mean, I get it. Would you be able to concentrate on your job if a co-worker who looked like DaLonte West was sleeping with your mom?



-- Exactly.

-- HEY YOU GUUUUYYYYSSSSSS!!!