Sacrificial Pack

I have here an open letter to a Green Bay Packer fan:

Dear Cheesehead,

I was recently shown by a media outlet a statement from National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell that you are a fan of the most storied franchise in NFL history, the Green Bay Packers, who suffered an abominable loss on the field of battle Monday Night in Seattle.

I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming as a result of simultaneous possession and substandard officiating. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of NFL fans everywhere saved by the scrutiny surrounding the final second mishap.

I pray that the new labor agreement sparked by Monday night's calamity may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the previous loss, how it ended labor strife, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of professional competition and compromise.

Yours very sincerely and respectfully,

NFL Nation