Quick Thinking: Faking It

I don't understand babies with mohawks. More specifically, I don't understand parents who give their babies mohawks. They're like adults who wear monogrammed clothing in public who aren't stranded on an island named Thurston or Lovey: they just doesn't make sense.

So let's get it together, folks.

I mean, unless you're a celebrity or an eccentric billionaire try and limit public displays of manufactured coolness, ok? Keep that shit in-house where it belongs, y'all. Behind the proverbial closed green door.

Because, frankly, both are the social equivalent of working out at a gym with your own shake weight. Monogrammed, of course.

Thanks in advance.

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Quick Thinking

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-- Makes me a little sad Larry Bird's digital Dream Team '92 counterpart in NBA 2K13 looks less like a "baller" and more like an extra on History's Swamp People.



-- See. It's sad, right?

-- Cable channel replays have breathed new life into A Tribe Called Quest's documentary Beats, Rhymes & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest.

-- If you're a fan of Tribe and haven't invested a few hours watching it, I would recommend you do so immediately.

-- Stir it up.

-- Big ups to Morgan Freeman for being one of the first women in history to be welcomed by storied Augusta National Golf Club.

-- Wait, what? That's not Morgan Freeman, it's Condoleezza Rice?

-- Oh, my bad.

-- Lucky for her, sharing the locker room with other members shouldn't be a big deal. Her dick is probably bigger than theirs.

-- Even in a cold shower.

-- Make no mistake though, y'all, her admission has zero to do with gender equality and everything to do with securing advertising revenue in the future.

-- #cha-ching!

-- Memo to All the Fellas Inspired by Mad Men Wearing Tie-bars: proper placement is between the 3rd and 4th button of your shirt.

-- Barely covered by your suit jacket's top button is also acceptable.

-- Near your tie's knot is not.

-- Make it happen.

-- Can you imagine if the Patriots were able to wrestle an unhappy Jones-Drew away from the Jaguars?

-- I can.

-- Hey, Roger, can't you find a different way to recapture your youth?

-- Other than doing steroids & HGH, of course.

-- You're 50. Let it go, brother.

-- Let.

-- It. 

-- Go.