Quick Thinking: Double (Gold) Standards

While you celebrate Christian Grey and the shortness of breath he provides, ladies, remember, as you exhale, he also effectively kills all that "men are pigs" chatter us guys have dealt with on a daily basis since the beginning of time.

We're largely visual beings and you're largely emotional beings. That's not news. But the runaway success of 50 Shades shows that we're both most certainly sexual beings.

You just like to read about it whereas we like to look at it.

I mean, c'mon, we're men. Lazy is what we do best.

So enjoy the freedom and empowerment sexual expression provides but be aware it brings with it more than just freedom. Sexual expression also brings with it a frustrating mess called "double standards."

Welcome to our world.

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Quick Thinking

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-- Congrats on all your medals, Mr. Phelps. You can swim really fast.

-- We get it.

-- I'd like to see how you'd fare with a 6-foot inflatable turtle named Ralph in the pool, though.

-- I hope retirement offers you some quiet moments to truly appreciate your accomplishments and gifts you time to gain perspective on a historic career.

-- I also hope it offers you some time to see a dentist.

-- Quote of the Week is awarded to this guy for responding the following when asked if I was bringing anyone with me to a friend's pseudo-birthday party, "Nope. I'm solo. Like Han. Only not frozen in carbonite."

-- Yup, I'm a Star Wars geek.

-- Throwback Song of the Week is The Truth from Handsome Boy Modeling School.

-- Groovy is all there is.

-- Big ups to the NFL's 2012 Hall of Fame inductees including one Curtis Martin who was a big part of Patriot Nation's renaissance in the 90's and helped lay groundwork for today's success.

-- Good effort with your beat down against Nigeria, Team USA, but your dominance fell short of RHP's margin of victory during a 1st round playoff game back in the summer of '00: 132-41.

-- True story.

-- I know you have Black Mamba and King James and all.

-- But we had my boy Geese.

-- And sometimes Geese is all you need.