ONE: Zombies are a polarizing lot.
I lost a total of 12 facebook friends as a result of last week's 2 Things post in which I joked about skull fucking zombies to death. I know. Only a dozen.
I was surprised too.
I really should put quotations around the words "lost" & "friends" though because, well, we're using the term "lost" very loosely and, as we all know, digital friends for the most part aren't really friends at all.
Unless you're watching porn, of course.
And while my knee jerk reaction is to tell all 12 of you to go skull fuck yourselves, (see what I did there?) I'm going to try the more "fatherly-advice" approach.
Here goes:
Listen, if you can't see the humor in someone overdosing on an erectile dysfunction pill in the hopes of killing the undead through violent eye socket penetration with his erection during a can-only-happen-in-fiction zombie apocalypse than we really shouldn't be friends in the first place.
Digital or otherwise.
TWO: A starting quarterback can win a NFL game by completing only 2 passes.
I don't have much to say about the above sentence because, while entirely true, it defies all conventional wisdom. Seriously, every last bit of it. Plus, the sentence reads like more of a question than a declarative statement to me.
And you know what they say about asking better questions, don't you?
With or without the question mark, however, it evokes the same response of disbelief. A response, by the way, that I'll modified for all my easily offended Tebow loving readers out there with delicate sensibilities: Shut the front door.
Oh, and go skull fuck yourselves.
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