Quick Thinking: House Party

The perennial phrase "keep the change" -- a euphemism commonly used by men when describing or inquiring about oral sex -- needs to be retired.

The shine is gone. The luster is lost. The honeymoon is over.

In its absence I offer the idiom "take it to the house."

"Why?"

Valid question.

Below is my valid retort.

[ HERE'S WHY: START ]

Fellatio can be compared, in sports terms, to a great catch made by a wide receiver.

Any great catch.

Even a catch made behind the line of scrimmage, for a loss, makes Top Plays on ESPN if it was great. Greatness helps ratings, y'all. But you know what makes any great catch even better? When a receiver scores a touchdown by taking said catch to the end zone, or rather, the house.

So fellatio is the catch while taking that catch to the house is, well, taking it to the house.

Seems simple to me.

[ HERE'S WHY: END ]

So ladies I implore...no, wait. All of Guy Nation implores you: If you're not prepared to "take it to the house" please don't make the catch.

Or you might have to take one in the face, instead.

HAYY-OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

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Quick Thinking
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-- Seeing Wes Welker participating in agility drills and running routes in June can only mean good things for the Patriots this season.

-- Same goes for Randy Moss in a contract year.

-- It took me 4 attempts and 8 days to finish watching Avatar.

-- Worst ROI movie of all time.

-- It's ok, Jim. Us Joyces are prone to making questionable calls.

-- Quote of the Week goes to NBA Analyst Avery Johnson while discussing the best game plan for beating the Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals, "Rajon Rondo is the head of the snake. And, when you take away the head of the snake, you take away the engine of the car."

-- Um, what?

-- Be careful when mixing those metaphors, Mr. Johnson. Someone could get hurt.

-- I like the Celtics in 6 so long as Samuel L. Jackson doesn't attend
one game in L.A.

-- See what I did there?

-- Violence may not always be the answer.

-- But sometimes it helps to raise the right questions.

-- Attention Starved Douchebag Award of the Week goes to that guy at my gym who was wearing his mirrored aviators while working out on Tuesday.

-- I'd bet a winning Powerball ticket Highway to the Dangerzone is the only song playing on his iPod shuffle.

-- I'm also guessing he refers to himself in the 3rd person.

-- And to his manhood as "Maverick."

-- It's still a bit weak, but the Red Sox have a pulse.

-- Speaking of the baseball, Quote of the Week II comes from my mother - Connie Lee - while discussing the current state of Sox Nation, "I just hope they didn't blow their load when sweeping the Rays in Tampa."

-- Thanks for the insight, Momma.

-- And the future therapy bills.

-- No matter how hard you try, ESPN & Bono, I won't be watching World Cup soccer.

-- Celebrity Look A Like of the Week goes to Big Baby Davis for being the spitting image of Glass Joe from Nintendo's Punch Out!!!



-- Ok, you're right, they look nothing alike. But they both react the same way to a shot in the face.

-- Speaking of taking shots to the face...