Revisionist History

Life advice comes in many forms, dear readers.

Here comes mine.

As I age, I don't "feel" any older. I truly don't. Other than my hairline not being what it once was, *shoulder shrug emoji* my body and mind have never been sharper. Ever. My diet, workout and life routine are simply the healthiest they've ever been. I'm literally in the best shape of my life. Sure, my body has random aches and pains -- but that's nothing new. I've been dealing with that since I came out of my coma back in 2004.

What I do feel, however, is the constant desire to remove anything superfluous from my life. Social media? Removed myself from all outlets over a year ago. Same old social life activities? I avoid them entirely and focus on more important things: like my job and my son. Alcohol and recreational drugs? If I have a few drinks once in a month that's a lot these days. I'm not in my 20's or 30's anymore. Those behaviors died long ago in a past life I don't even really recognize. Like a movie I don't remember seeing. Drama-filled family quarrels? Non-existent. I simply don't put myself in situations where those may result. And, if I sense one coming, I leave without a word...just disappear.

#irishgoodbye

What I've gained as I trim those unnecessary distractions from my life is clarity. Clarity about who I am, what's important and what isn't, who my real friends and positive influences are, what I value and, most importantly, who I want to be. And with clarity comes a whole bunch of security in myself and the decisions I'm making. But what it doesn't come with is consensus from other's that I am, in fact, living well and living happy.

I've written many times in the past that "people in life don't see a person as what they are." And they don't. People see a person as what they are in relation to their life. Perception trumps reality at every turn. If someone's perception of you is from who you were 10 years ago, than that's who you are to them: then, now and always.

Don't believe me? Ever hear a mother or father say about their adult son or daughter, "they'll always be a baby in my eyes."

Same thing.

So, as I live a better life filled with higher standards of accountability for my actions and behaviors -- resulting in some people having to be removed from my life entirely -- there's pushback. Lots of pushback. There's disbelief. There's eye rolls. Eventually, there's "fuck you's" and questions like "do you think you're better than me now or something?"

The answer, of course, is I am better than you. And not in a value proposition kind of way. I'm better because I'm questioning myself and trying to improve who I am and how I interact with the world around me. I'm trying to make the next 40 years of my life better than the previous 40.

My ultimate hope is that I'm a casualty of the same mindset from others in my past. We all need to be better. And we can't all get better unless we start with ourselves.

Cue the Michael Jackson music.

The real wonder in all of this is how those who are truly insignificant feel they have some quantifiable value. It's really quite startling. Try it and you'll see. Once you begin to distance yourself from some people in your life, especially those you didn't have much of a meaningful interaction with anyway, turn out to be the most angry about it. Why are they the most angry? Because, like I said, their perception of you and the relationship -- in whatever capacity -- was very different from the reality.

It's a strange social commentary, indeed.

Now I'm not saying to dissolve all relationships in your life, dear readers. What I'm saying is start looking around you and make sure you're surrounded by people who bring out the best in you and want the best for you. Period. End of sentence. If you're holding yourself to higher standards, surround yourself with people that applaud that effort instead of condemning it as folly. I've been approaching my life this way for the past year or so and I've never been more content.

I'd recommend you do the same.

Quick Thinking: Flat Circle

I return to my blogging career* the same way I entered it back in 2008: following the New England Patriots losing to an NFC East team they were expected to beat in a Super Bowl.

Looks like my man Nietzsche was right when he said time is, indeed, a flat circle.

Or was it Rusty Cohle?

#eternalrecurrence

My return doesn't simply come after a frustrating loss, dear readers. It comes amidst turmoil and apprehension surrounding the future of the New England franchise. 

There are countless questions swirling: Why did the Patriots trade Jimmy G for such a low-value pick early this season when they went great lengths to keep him previously? Was there pressure from ownership to do so? Is there any truth to the Seth Wickersham story? Why didn't Malcolm Butler play one defensive snap in the Super Bowl after playing 100% of the defensive snaps the previous two playoff games? Was Tom Brady's publicized tweet simply a show of support for his (former) teammate? Or was he picking sides against his (current) head coach? Why did offensive coordinator Jeff McDaniel's abruptly resign from the Indianapolis Colts a mere 3 hours before the scheduled press conference to announce him as the team's new head coach?

And the biggest question of all: Will the greatest coach of all time, Mr. Bill Belichick, be the coach of the New England Patriots next year? If the past few days are any indication, the reality is he probably won't be. I mean, does Bill Belichick seem like the type of guy to be a "lame duck" head coach while his successor is clearly being wooed by the franchise? 

And if you don't think McDaniel's is the "next man up", why else would McDaniel's stay? And is McDaniel's really the answer? He failed in Denver. (He drafted Tim Tebow!) He failed even worse in St. Louis with the Rams before crawling back to New England. 

All his successes can be tied to one man: Tom Brady. And, avocado ice cream aside, how much does time does Tom Brady really have left? 2 years? Maybe?  Then what? Rebuild the team around a strong young quarterback they don't have anymore because they traded him away?

Like I said, questions on questions on questions... No matter the answers, it feels like the fairy tale ride in Patriot Nation seems to be coming to an end, y'all. 

Please unbuckle your seatbelt and follow the exit signs to the left.

Hope you enjoyed the ride.

*career is a loose term here. Lately, it's really just a hobby...and a half-hearted one at that.

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Quick Thinking
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-- Josh McDaniels leaving the Colts at the alter is one of the greatest slowplay revenge moves of all time. #deflategate #defendthewall

-- Second only to Andy Dufresne's scheme at Shawshank.

-- Netflix's new documentary series Dirty Money is further proof that big business view individuals in society as nothing more than dollar signs, distractions and lemmings.

-- It's also shows how they lie with impunity.

-- And it's the scariest reality show I've ever seen.

-- Other than Keeping Up with the Kardashians, of course.

-- Who knew the best coverage Belichick would have near him all day was the black-and-white leather pants Kat & Ashley (his girlfriend's twin daughters) were wearing as they walked into the stadium.

-- Shout out to @thehesstwins!



-- Speaking of Belichick, seems he forgot to practice what he's usually preaching to his players during Sunday's disappointing Super Bowl.

-- Pride comes before the fall and all that.

-- The saying still looks good on all those t-shirts in Gillette Stadium's Pro Shop, though.

-- Do.

-- Your.

-- Job.

Quick Thinking: What Does It All Mean?

The existential crisis has begun, dear readers. Stepping through the doorway into my 40's and I find myself questioning everything. 

And I mean everything. 

From "who am I?" to "why are we here?" to "what the eff is going on with this world lately?" to "who will rule over Westeros following the Long Night?" 

Like I said, everything.

Could the inner dialogue be a mid-life thing I'm going through? Maybe. Could it just be I'm becoming the "old guy" who resents the world more as he ages? Definite possibility.

After all, I do resent today's youth a little bit.  

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SIDE NOTE: START
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I don't resent the younger generation because the advances of modern society they benefit from or anything. Everything they have at their disposal is at mine, too. 

I'm all for moving forward with forward thinking and technology. 

My resentment comes from the fact that their entire world is built around instant gratification. Everything from music to movies to food to sex -- yes, even sex -- can be found at their literal fingertips.

Just swipe right, baby.

The convenience is fantastic. No question. But the resulting mindset lacks the basic understanding that effort and time are required to achieve things. Important things, anyway. Not everything can be had the moment you want it, the world doesn't work that way.

When I was growing up --  and here comes the "old guy" mentality -- you'd have to wait a week to see the next episode of your favorite show. There was no binge watching. You'd have to go to the library to do research for related school work. There was no internet. You had to stash a Victoria's Secret catalog in the drop ceiling of your basement bathroom to discover your sexuality. There was no porn.

And that's what it really comes down to, I guess. The younger generation will never understand the creative thinking, planning, ingenuity and patience it took to strategically place mail-order catalogs along with small bottles of warm vanilla sugar lotion around a high-traffic home during those "coming of age years" we all experience because you never knew when you were going to need them and who would be around when you did.

And those types of skills are necessary in today's world. 

Now more than ever.

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SIDE NOTE: END
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Generational specifics aside, I don't think my current thought processes are age related. I don't think they're the result of some mid-life realization of mortality either. I think they're entirely world related, plain and simple. 

Today's world is in a weird spot, y'all. And, no, not just because an internet troll is running our country. Today's world is in a weird spot because a lot of issues and uproar involve people rallying to blame other people for whatever injustices they're experiencing. It's classic scapegoat mentality. 

And it's an epidemic hitting critical mass.

As I reflect on what I can do better to change my immediate surroundings -- and by "immediate surroundings" I mean the things in my life I can actually control -- I hope others do too. 

I think we need to all stop looking to blame others and cry for change and start with ourselves. Change our outlooks, change our attitudes, change the way we think, change complaining every day, embrace what's good, be thankful for what we have, get whatever finances you have in order, be disciplined, be responsible and, most importantly, no matter what other folks may be saying, value and love yourself first.

Especially if there's warm vanilla sugar lotion involved.

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Quick Thinking
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-- The parity surrounding this year's NFL season is setting the table for yet another New England Patriots Super Bowl appearance.

-- Crazy to think of after watching Kansas City slap them around on opening night.

-- The best song you're not listening to right now is Joy by Leven Kali.

-- Netflix's newest show Mindhunter feels like a really long episode of Silence of the Lambs and really worth the watch.

-- Goodbye, horses.

-- Quote of the Week goes to my son Declan for saying the following after he saw a picture of the Halloween costume I've been making for him over the past few weeks, "If you're going to do something, Dad, don't you want to do your best?"

-- My response was immediate, "This is my best, bud." 

-- To which he replied, "I think you can do better."

-- Gotta respect the honesty.

-- And the thought process.

-- And the fact that he thinks I can do better.

-- Little does he know the door he's opened because I can't WAIT to use that same line of logic on him when he's in a bit older.

-- It applies any number of situations.

-- Pandora's box, indeed.

Quick Thinking: The Long Night

Like most folks, I'm marginally obsessed with Game of Thrones. Falls in line with my personality, really. I have that whole obsessive-compulsive thing going on sometimes.

And by "sometimes" I mean "all the time."

For the record, I'm a late adopter to the show. I didn't even know what Game of Thrones was the first 4 years or so it was on. But, at the behest of a very close friend -- my boy Baba Ganoush* -- I watched episode 9 of season 4 the night it aired a few years back.

I've been hooked since.

The entirety of the series was binge-watched that following week. I've even rewatched the series a few times looking for hints and foreshadowing events I may have missed during initial viewings because, as we all know, the writers are famous for telling you what's going to happen before it actually happens.

[ SIDE NOTE: START ]

Difficult to catch everything the first time around with all that T&A. Shit can get distracting. Especially when it comes to my early season favorite Ros.



#neverforget

Or my girl Melisandre. 



I guess it only makes sense a red priestess who can bring people back from the dead has perfect breasts. (Those, of course, can not be pictured here. Use the Google machine if you need to.)

[ SIDE NOTE: END ]

But, despite the beautiful naked woman, engaging story and time invested, I want the series to end.

There, I said it.

Game of Thrones will go down as one of the greatest shows in HBO's history. No question. But I just want to know how it ends already. All the speculating, build up and waiting is exhausting. I need HBO to pull a Netflix and just release the remaining episodes so I can watch them and get on with my life.

Until the spin-offs, of course.

*names have been changed to protect the innocent

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Quick Thinking
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-- The Founder, a movie currently streaming on Netflix starring Michael Keaton, details how Ray Kroc turned McDonald's into the most successful fast food chain in the world is an interesting watch and taught me a few things.

-- First, he did it by standing on the shoulders of others.

-- Which, sadly, is what the American Dream really is about.

-- Filthy rich, indeed.

-- Second, Mr. Keaton, the Batman I remember most from my youth, looks old.

-- My summer basketball league career came to an end Tuesday night when we lost to the #1 seed in the playoffs.

-- Can't win a game when you gift the opposing team 9 points off free-throws because of technical fouls while arguing over calls with the refs.

-- We lost by 7, btw.

-- I just watched a Bud Light commercial highlighting...wait for it...Drone Racing.

-- As a self-proclaimed nerd, I love how "nerd culture" continues to influence our economic landscape.

-- Speaking of nerd culture, I bet my cousin 2 weeks ago I would let him shave my eyebrows off if a dragon doesn't die during this season of Game of Thrones.

-- If one does, I get free entry into his Fantasy Football League this season.

-- F**K YEAH!

-- I really, really, really hope I'm right

-- And, yes, it still counts as a "death" if the dragon is resurrected by the Night King.

-- The best song you don't know about right now is Rough Soul by Goldlink featuring April George.

-- The hook melody is CRAZY infectious.

-- His little shimmy shake while signing is pretty good, too.  

--  Yuh.

Quick Thinking: The Lying King

I crossed paths with my ex-wife at Capron Park Zoo last week for the first time since our divorce hearing a few years back and, listen, it affected me far differently than I would have expected. 

This is a woman who took advantage of me emotionally, economically...you name it. She had very unkind things to say about the people in my family toward the end of our relationship. Those same people, by the way, showed her nothing but love and support  -- even after she confessed to physically abusing me in front of them. 

[SIDE NOTE: START]

My ex-wife punched me in the face three times one night when I approached her with questions of infidelity. While packing my bag to leave, she continued her tirade, challenging me to "be a man" peppered with motivational gems like "stand up for yourself!" and "you're going to let a little girl hit you like that?!"

Good times.

Her tactics after the incident were as predictable as she was -- she tried to control the narrative by going to my parent's home, waking them, putting on the tears and explaining how she was "concerned" about me. Of course, she conveniently forgot to tell them about punching me in the face while I stood there with my hands in my pockets. (literally) 

After finding respite at my cousin's house, I had him drop me off at the end of my folk's street because I figured she'd go there. (Like I said, she was predictable.) I walked to the front door and sat on the steps listening to their conversation. After about 30 minutes, I walked in and confronted her with one simple statement, "Have the courage to tell them the truth before I do." She broke down and admitted the truth before running into some back bedroom crying.

I was proven right about the infidelity sometime after, by the way. But that's another story for another time. 

You wouldn't believe the circumstances if I told you anyway.

[SIDE NOTE: END]

Anger. I expected to feel anger. I mean, I'm entirely justified to feel it. But I didn't really feel anger. I didn't really feel anything. I felt pity, kind of, because she looked tired. Like really, really tired. Not "bad" or "ugly" or anything. (I mean, pretty has always been easy for her. Botox is good like that.) She just looked really tired. She looked a little sad, too, but she always looked like that. Knowing zero about her life now, I felt bad for her in that moment and found myself wishing for her to be happy.  

Sure, I also had a quick daydream about throwing her in the lion's den directly behind her at the zoo, but that felt more like comic relief than anything else. 

Besides, lion's are smart enough not to eat spoiled meat.

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Quick Thinking
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-- 3 weeks into Season 7 of Game of Thrones and it's evident that at least one dragon will die and fall victim to the Night King, Dany and John will sex it up, Arya will kill Littlefinger and Cersei will, well, continue to be Cersei.

-- Yup. Game of Thrones is getting predictable. 

-- There, I said it.

-- But "set-up" stories typically are.

-- The Season 8 payoff for all these story lines should be absolute madness, though.

-- Can't.

-- Wait.

-- The best song you don't know about right now is Memory Of by De La Soul. 

-- Quote of the Week goes to yours truly for saying the following to my colleagues after we watched Ramses the Lion pee and poop on one of the 2 lionesses he's caged with at Capron Park Zoo, "The king of beasts certainly is majestic."

-- In his defense, wet wipes are tough to come by in the animal kingdom.

-- Thank god us humans have them, though. My hairpants make post-poop wiping an adventure without them.

-- Even with them it can still be a bit tricky.

-- Yup, I said that, too. 

-- Shopping for houses the past few months has taught me one very valuable lesson: HGTV is full of shit.

-- It feels way too early for football season to be 4 weeks away.

-- Reps in peace Summer 2017.

-- It's like you're ending before you've even started.

-- Kinda like my high school sex life.

Quick Thinking: Defining Moments

I'm learning more and more that people's opinions of me are not based on who I actually am but, rather, who that person needs me to be relative to their own worldview.

Let me give an example. 

This weekend, a close friend's wife made a telling statement about why her husband isn't "allowed" to socialize with me very often. (Something about "getting drunk until 4 in the morning" was mentioned.) My response was as immediate as it was simple, "Sounds like displacement to me." 

I didn't try and educate her or "prove her wrong." It would be a fool's errand. The truth of the matter is I need to be the villain for her worldview to make sense. 

She needs me on that wall. She wants me on that wall.

For the record, I drink twice or so a month these days...maybe less. Sometimes months go by and I don't have one drink. Partly because my life schedule is dictated by my 6-year-old son but, even more importantly, because alcohol simply isn't a big part of my life anymore. 

Not by mandate or anything, but by choice. 

I find life more rewarding when I'm not throwing away money going out all the time or wasting time nursing headaches the next morning. 

But that reality doesn't work for my friend's wife. If she viewed me for who I really was today, as opposed to who I may have been in the past, she couldn't come up with an easy, blameless reason why her husband "can't go out tonight." The realities must remain mutually exclusive, of course, or her actions wouldn't be seen as a "wife making responsible decisions" but one who is a finding pleasure in controlling those around her. 

And that's certainly not something she could ever admit to anyone about herself.

Talk about irony.

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Quick Thinking
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-- Quote of the Week goes to Connor McGregor for responding to Draymond Green's "we rocking with Floyd bro not you, take that off bruh" quip by saying, "I don't know or give a f*** about basketball. I bounce heads off the floor. Not a ball."

-- Win or lose, Connor is an A++ self-promoting trash talker.

-- Reminds me of Ali.

-- Or is it Will Smith?

-- Either way...

-- ...the champ is here!

-- Editorial Note of the Week: Photobucket, the image storage app I've used since this blog's inception, has decided to charge almost 500 bucks a year for photo storage and third party linkage. As a result, all my past blogs will have a broken link where an image once lived. Sorry for any resulting confusion.

-- The best song you don't know about right now is Navajo by Masego.

-- Alt Shift X keeps killing it with his analysis of all things Game of Thrones. His episode 1 breakdown is as good as it gets.

-- Speaking of Game of Thrones and being as good as it gets...did y'all catch Missandei in episode 2?! 

-- I found myself rewatching her scene with Greyworm over and over.

-- You know, because those tricky writers hide so many hints, easter eggs and foreshadowing in each scene. 

-- And I can say, with absolute certainty, that Winter isn't the only thing that came this season.

-- HEYYY-OOOOOOO!!

Quick Thinking: Game Theory

So I'm playing basketball again. And, admittedly, that statement in and of itself is certainly not newsworthy. I mean, the NBA draft was weeks ago. 

I missed my window.

What is newsworthy, however, was the immediate feeling my 40-something self recognized so quickly after lacing up a pair of high-tops for the first time in 7 years and trying to compete with the 20-something crowd: I'm too old to play.

There, I said it.

My wits on the court are still fully intact, of course. With the exception of some instances where my competitive fire trumped sound decision making, I've always been a "high basketball IQ" guy...a thinker. 

[SIDE NOTE: START]

Outthinking the competition started at a very young age for me. I couldn't match the physicality of my older brothers and their friends when I was younger (and undersized), so outthinking them was my only chance to be effective. 

Battling older friends and family as an undersized youth is also where I developed that chip on my shoulder and my sharp tongue, but that's another story for another time.

[SIDE NOTE: END]

The sad reality is this 6'4" frame isn't athletic enough to contribute effectively anymore. Not even close. Some may find this hard to believe, but my first-step quickness, athleticism, and jumping ability were a big part of my game -- a BIG part -- and their absence has made my margin for error too small. 

Luckily, the vivid memories of being faster than most of my competition or being able to easily dunk a basketball don't cloud my thinking to overcome the current reality that I can't do either anymore. They simply serve as a healthy reminder that any thoughts of the past live exactly where they need to: in the past. After all, Father Time is one competitor I can't outthink.

Mother Earth, on the other hand...

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Quick Thinking
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-- Big ups to HBO for being innovative (read: pretending to be Netflix) and releasing every episode of The Defiant Ones on their streaming services HBO GO & HBO NOW.

-- The 4-part series, chronicling the careers and relationship between Dr. Dre, Jimmy Iovine and how they sold Beats by Dre to Apple, Inc. for 3 billion dollars, is worth the watch.

-- And as binge-worthy as it gets.

-- The best song you don't know about right now is Gettin' Old by 6LACK. 

-- R.LUM.R's Frustrated is a close second.

-- The toughest part about getting older is the whole getting wiser that comes along with it.

-- Trust me.

-- Of the two, I'd take my youthful ignorance over my youthful body any day.

-- You know, because Viagra.

-- Speaking of Viagra, Wild Thoughts, Rihanna's latest collaboration with DJ Khaled, will undoubtedly be the jam of Summer 2017.

-- Doesn't hurt that it samples Maria Maria, one Santana's best from Supernatural.

-- The accompanying video also solidifies Rihanna as the sexiest woman in show business right now.

-- Not to be mistaken with the most beautiful one, of course.

-- Who is obviously Gail Gadot.

-- Try and disagree. 

-- I dare you.



-- Wonder Woman, indeed.