Quick Thinking: Perspective

As the world continues to rally around FIFA World Cup soccer, even with team USA winning, I'm reminded of how little the sport interests me. I'm also reminded by every media outlet and sports talk caller that "soccer is going to take over in the US soon" and I "just don't get it." 

I do get it, though. 

Soccer isn't as big in the USA as other parts of the 
world -- and NEVER will be -- because we have other sports to distract us. The majority of countries aren't afforded the same variety so they focus on what they have: futbol.

It's all about your location specific point-of-view, I suppose.

Just like Chief Brody, the water-fearing protagonist who lives on an island, says in Jaws, "It's only an island if you look at from the water."

Exactly, Chief.

Exactly.  

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Quick Thinking
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-- Sometimes I feel like a left-handed handshake in a right-handed handshake world.

-- Extend your left hand for your next 5 handshakes if you're having difficulty grasping what I mean.

-- No pun intended.

-- Listening to Papi pout is getting real old.

-- Having official scorers "change their minds" when he does is getting even older.

-- Watching Papi hit game winning home runs, however, never will.

-- TWO DOTS is the greatest puzzle game to hit a handheld device since Tetris hit Nintendo's Game Boy.

-- Speaking of Tetris, 789,550 was my record score in high school.

-- Yes, I still remember it.

-- And, no, I didn't have many friends.

-- All the talk surrounding The Washington Redskins logo feels manufactured.

-- Watching the 2014 FIFA World Cup has taught me one very important fact: soccer fans are less about passion and more about patience.

-- And you can take my word for it because I know the difference between patience and passion. 

-- After all, I haven't gotten a blow job since the last World Cup.

-- True story.

-- The summer of "where will Bron Bron land?" has officially begun.

-- Celtic Green would bring his eyes out.

-- Too bad Rondo is known league wide as a shitty teammate.

-- Rondo aside, I would guess he'll go to LA for the glitz and glamour.

-- The story of Red Sox employee Jack Lanzillotti and his girlfriend Jessica getting killed this weekend when a car accident crossed the corner they were standing on is further proof that this can all be snatched away from us in a flash, y'all.

-- It's also further proof that we only get one shot at this.

-- So make sure you're living the life you want and not the one you pretend you want.

-- Unless you're watching Yo Gabba Gabba, of course.

-- So yummy. So yummy.

Quick Thinking: Finish Lined

The recent "hot button topic" in MLB implying there aren't enough black players in baseball as a result of racism is tired and irresponsible. There's a lower number of young black players in the league because the sport, as a whole, doesn't appeal to young fans.

Even the most ardent fans are tired of the patient-at-the-plate-pitch-count-raising tactics of players resulting in 4 or 5 hour games. Kids grow up -- regardless of race -- wanting to "be" that favorite player they watch on TV. And none of them are watching baseball players.

Don't complicate a problem with the race card, media, because it deflects attention from what the real issue is.

Baseball simply isn't fun to watch anymore.

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Quick Thinking
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-- Gary Busey's teeth give me nightmares.



-- But I love his commercial for Amazon's Fire TV.

-- Hello Lamp.

-- With a global pig pile of tragedy on top of natural disaster on top of political strife, you'd have to be asleep at the wheel to not realize the world seems to be going to shit.

-- Profound, I know.

-- Unfortunately, most of us are too busy being consumed by social media, petty selfishness, "smart" phones and selfies to realize the severity of it.

-- Monday's 118th Boston Marathon is the most important freedom movement to hit the city since Paul Revere's ride on April 18th, 1775.

-- Tiger Woods will never win another major championship.

-- Believe it.

-- Last night's 30-for-30 on EPSN detailing the ascension and eventual decline of the Detriot Pistons in the late 80's and early 90's is the best I've seen since last year's Jimmy V inspired Survive and Advance.

-- It also reminded me of the NBA's linebacker mentality that shaped the way I played the game.

-- In my defense, it seemed wrong not to use my fouls every game.

-- Or draw blood trying.

Quick Thinking: Debatable

I'm beginning to learn my core belief system in life needs to be refined.

And not because someone is asking me to "grow" in a way adults are supposed to or because an ultimatum has been issued or because I had some life changing event. I'm not rethinking my belief system for any of those things.

I'm reassessing things in my life because I look around at all the surrounding charters and I feel it's time I not only expected more out of them, but also out of me. Higher standards aren't a bad thing, y'all.

Time to embrace them. 

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Quick Thinking 
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-- The only thing Jerry Remy is guilty of is being a parent.

-- Which, for those of us who are, is a job motivated largely by guilt to begin with.

-- And there's no word for what his son is.

-- Performance enhancing drugs are a main ingredient in the success -- and resulting profitability -- of any major sport.

-- Just ask the NFL about why they haven't begun testing for HGH if you don't believe me.

-- But, hey, at least they got the whole raising the goal post crossbar so players can't do any celebratory dunks following a touchdown thing taken care of.

-- It was ruining the game.

-- Speaking of performance enhancing drugs, am I the only one who thinks our beloved "Big Papi" was crying for a contract extension before the start of the season because he's not taking PEDs anymore as a result of MLB's stricter "biological passport" testing guidelines?

-- Kobe Bryant jumping over an Ashton Martin was more believable than Johnny Manziel's recent  "dunk" video.

-- I mean, seriously, the nerf hoop in my room as a kid was higher than his "regulation" rim.

-- The Ides of March have nothing on Winter's continued bullying of Spring.

-- Approved Rules Proposal 9 gives the NFL a centralized hub to aid (read: control) the replay process of each game from their New York corporate offices.

-- The.

-- Fix.

-- Is.

-- In. 

-- "Conscious uncoupling" is the dumbest PR word to be born out of our society's fixation on celebrity couples since "Bennifer."

-- Actually, I take that back, "Bennifer" was some of Mr. Affleck's and Ms. Lopez's best work in 2003.

-- Second only to the movie Gigli, of course.

Quick Thinking: Sacrificial Lamb

After a week of deliberation, I've decided not to make any sacrifices for this Lent season. Or any future Lent season, for that matter. I've accepted the fact that Hell is just part of my final destination itinerary at this point. Ain't nothing changing that.

Regardless of how much chocolate I give up for 40 days.

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-- I'd rather live my life wondering what random fictional character, celebrity or geographic formation I would be than answer a series of social media quizzes telling me the definitive answer.

-- What if I got Nicholas Cage?


-- Or Jar Jar Binks?


-- I couldn't live with that.

-- Speaking of celebrities, Quote of the Week honors are bestowed to Benjamin Franklin for being credited with saying, "Any fool can complain, criticize and condemn -- and most fools do."

-- My man Ben was way ahead of his time.

-- He could also fly a mean kite.

-- Replace "fool" with "politician" and you'll get the modern day version of his message.   

-- Think about it.

-- PC may have 20 wins for the first time in a decade and be my alma mater, but I just don't think they're a legitimate tourney team.

-- Yesterday's signing of Darelle Revis is reported to have been a move "over a year in the making" by Mr. Belichick.

-- The man is playing chess, y'all.

-- The rest are playing checkers.

-- Word is he's close to signing the embattled Brandon Browner to anchor the other side of his secondary.

-- Can't wait for the accompanying "Team Bro-ner" t-shirts from that idiot mogul over at Barstool Sports following the signing.

Quick Thinking: Ring True

As a writer, I make it a habit to construct stories about nearly every person who crosses my path. It's a reflex of sorts. And, while I typically practice such constructions as a comedic interlude to my life, I'm acutely aware most situations I read aren't really what I think they are. Some situations are, I'm sure.

But most certainly are not.

A practical example of what I'm talking about, dear readers, would be that "lucky lady" wearing some serious bling-bling on her left ring finger over there. The fair "read" of most upon seeing said woman: she has found a man (or woman) that loves her enough to invest in such an exuberant outward sign of shared love and commitment. When my read would be the ring is a probably a symbol of constant infidelity getting muddled with increasing diamond sized apologies. (Lucky, indeed.)

The obvious reality is both "reads" are most likely inaccurate.

The moral: try not to make judgments and assumptions about individuals because their reality -- the only truth that really matters to them -- is something you probably know very little about. And could understand even less.

Unless, of course, you're a writer.

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-- It's comical to me that Michael Sam's sexuality is a point of discussion as an NFL locker room distraction. Professional female athlete's with different sexual preferences have been sharing locker rooms for years.

-- Without incident.

-- And without the accompanying media circus, too.

-- Be professional and act like you've been there before, NFL, and I promise none of you straight players with catch "the gay" from Mr. Sam.

-- Unless you're already fabulous.

-- Or, rather…faaab-u-louuuussssssss!

-- True Detective is the smartest written show on television.

-- Think of it as the exact opposite of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

--  Zombies have officially sold out.

-- Jimmy Fallon is about as likable and nonthreatening as the male species can get while crushing his new Tonight Show gig.

-- And having old, white TV executives approve my favorite band of all time, The Roots, to continue as his house band is testament to social progression.



-- Believe it. 

-- The Providence College Friar's basketball team is "almost" nationally relevant.

-- And you know what they say about "almost," don't you?

-- Exactly.

Holiday Wish

Circles of influence surround us all, dear readers. The trick, of course, is to figure out which circles you're in while maintaining some sense of individuality as to not fall victim to said influences.

Whew, that was wordy. 

Said more plainly: we're all affected by our world effects. And, while that statement seems painfully obvious to most, its risks aren't recognized as readily. 

Every circle of influence you add to your life -- friends, family, career, relationships, hobbies, purchases, memories, etc. -- comes with the inherent risk of character compromise.

SIDE NOTE: START

Yes, memories qualify as a circle of influence. So do purchases. People love "stuff" just for the sake of having "more" of it. I would actually argue memories are the single largest circle of influence for the vast majority. Our minds are designed to romanticize the past, ignore the present and wishfully long for a better future by doing as little work as possible. Sounds crazy when read aloud, doesn't it? Would you run a business, play a sport or raise a child with that mentality? Of course you wouldn't.

But why do so many live their lives that way?

SIDE NOTE: END

Sometimes the compromise is big. Other times, the compromise is so small it doesn't register. Both compromises, however, have a cumulative effect and, ultimately, dictate that demise of individuality...one life change at a time.

My wish for everyone this holiday season is to see the circles of influence in life for what they are -- and what they might add to life's short journey -- but do not let them define who you are. Only you can do that.   

Said more plainly: be affected by your world effects but don't let them rule you. 

Being different is different. 

But not it a bad way.

Quick Thinking: The Break-Up Boogie

The circus that is now the Miami Dolphins has become more nonsensical than the story line depicted in the first Ace Ventura: Pet Detective movie. 

No easy feat.

As media scrutiny continues to increase -- if that's at all possible --  and more details arise, the fallout between Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin feels less like a case of "I feel bullied so I'm taking my ball and going home" and more like a "scorned lover syndrome" situation.

There, I said it.

Think about it for a second. The one thing crazier than falling in love is watching two people who once loved each other fall out of it, right? And this situation filled with texts, voicemails and hearsay is as batshit-crazy as it gets. C'mon, we've all seen it happen, y'all, and the result is usually this unimaginable emotional two-step all folks never think they'll do despite its inherent inevitability.

Don't roll your eyes.

In my experience the only type of person that saves a voicemail for over a year and then releases it for others to listen too is heartbroken. It screams "oh, you don't love me anymore? I'll show you!" Add the fact this "he said, he said" sideshow has all the ingredients of two people doing the break-up boogie and the possibility doesn't seem so far-fetched. 

After all, hell hath no fury like an athlete scorned.

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-- I'm learning most people operate based not on what they want but, rather, what they don't want others to have.

-- Give it some thought and I think you'll agree.

-- I've been eating so much trail mix lately my poop is starting to look like granola.

-- True story.

-- Hollywood has certainly taken some creative license with Captain Phillips, a movie detailing the famous real-life rescue of Maersk captain Richard Phillips from Somali pirates, but it's worth seeing for no other reason than per usual Tom Hanks kills it.

-- The Crypt Keeper kills it as head pirate Muse, too.

-- Memo to Mike Napoli: As your contract search brings other suitors, don't feel bad for taking your talents (and beard) outside of Red Sox Nation. You were part of a historical season who's magic will never be duplicated so do what everyone should: appreciate this past season for what it was and turn the page. 

-- As you prepare for Monday Night's showdown with upstart Carolina and the rest of this season, remember the Patriots are a collective 26-4 following their bye week over the past 3 seasons. 

-- Yup, that's a .866 win percentage.

-- Or what we in the betting world like to call "cement."

-- Thought the same of Tennessee against Jacksonville in my suicide pool yesterday though, too.

-- And we both know how that turned out.