While never possessing any skills of my own, I've heard time and time again how they tend to diminish. And, when they do, it's a rapid decent. After watching that massacre in Arrowhead Stadium last night, it seems that time has come for the beloved leader of Patriot Nation: Tom Brady.
Thanks for the Championship memories, Tom. You've given an entire fan base the greatest gift we could ask for: a championship dynasty. Not only did you have one of the greatest careers in NFL history, your winning pedigree gifted surrounding players and coaches alike opportunities -- along with contracts -- they would have never secured otherwise.
And your assist legacy doesn't end there.
Women in bars across America felt such a tingle in their collective pink parts watching you play, they would turn to the closest Patriot-hat-wearing-man-with-scruff in their proximity for immediate gratification. And we're not talking about plain Janes here, Mr. Brady. We're talking about girls as intimidatingly beautiful as your offensive output was in 2007. I mean, let's face it, an entire generation of boys and girls in the New England area named Brady have you to thank: both for their name and the preceding 9-month "opportunity" to provide said name.
[SIDE NOTE: START]
Trust me. I wouldn't have met my wife without your help. She still has me wear the hat in bed while calling me "Tom" on occasion.
True story.
[SIDE NOTE: END]
All in all, it was an epic run, Tom. But your time has passed.
Just ask Derek Jeter.
#RET12E
3 comments:
Suck it!
In the words of Jackie Chiles, this post was outrageous, egregious, preposterous. He's going to have a bad game this year, too. It will probably be against an NFC team, on the road, early in the season. It happens. When it does, before you take your downtrodden fingers to the keyboard, reread this post, watch the SB49 highlights, masturbate (as we all do when we watch it) and then type your post.
Sexington out....
Didn't realize I had two comments on this post so let me be fair and start with Anonymous.
Thanks for reading my post, Anon. Unfortunately, I can't follow through with action on your request. I'm a heterosexual and the idea of having to "suck it" doesn't interest me.
As for Chad, welcome back. I've taken a long hiatus so it's only fair you have, too.
The crux of the issue needs to be addressed, though. And that crux needs to start with an apology. I'm sorry. I'm sorry my written word fell short of the obvious sarcasm it was intended to convey. I'm still working on my craft and do fall short from time-to-time.
My hope was the obvious stretch of the number 12 being incorporated into the word RETIRE, as a direct rip-off of the famous Derek Jeter "RE2PECT"campaign, was clue enough I was forcing an issue with a tongue-in-cheek rant about Brady to poke fun at the Yankees while remaining topical. I failed.
I hope you can both overlook the misstep and it, much like Brady's play against the Chiefs last year, can be forgiven and maybe, just maybe, forgotten.
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