This week's episode finds our hero dealing with the reality of facing another of his life's many missed opportunities. Fiddlesticks, right? But the real unfortunate thing about this particular missed chance is the fact that yours truly personified what would have been considered a "perfect fit" for the required task.
Seriously.
We're talking Double-Rainbow-David-Tyree-dropping-that-ball-Mos-Def-Umi-Says-me-playing-Super-Tecmo-Bowl-as-the-Pittsburgh-Steelers-in-'95-Camilla-Luddington-in-Esquire perfect.
See?
PUMA of North America was recently looking for a new copywriter to give them an, "edgier voice sprinkled with irreverence and humor." Sound like any writer you've read before?
I even effortlessly weaved zombies into my pitch. That's right, effin' zombies.
But, despite all the improvements I made to the 10 product descriptions they asked me to rework from their online store, the contract was awarded to a fledgling marketing firm who has a strong friendship with the decision makers at PUMA. Looks like my "writer" career has been thwarted, yet again, by corporate politics and poor timing.
Perfect.
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PUMA's Request for Proposal Thinking
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Men’s Footwear: Cell Cerano Mesh Running Shoes.
Item: 185636-03
Dreams are made of these
No one wants to get out of bed at 5am. Not even you. But, hey, at least the comfort of our mesh running shoes are like a warm blanket for your feet. And, with our SpiderCELL cushioning system, you’ll feel like your running on a cloud in a dream. Or, you could just lace them up and hop back in bed. Either way.
Features
- Synthetic leather and mesh upper for overall foot support and breathability
- Lace-up closure for secure fit
- SpiderCELL midsole with advanced heel cushioning for greater comfort and shock absorption
- High-abrasion rubber outsole for smooth heel-to-toe transition and improved traction
Men’s Apparel: Hooded Nylon Windbreaker.
Item: 817869-04
Momma’s Boy
You can’t sit on your couch killing zombies with a rocket launcher all day. C’mon, man. You’re starting to look like the undead. With our full-front zip windbreaker, you’ll be able to put down the controller, get outside and stay protected from the dangers of Mother Nature. And the impending zombie apocalypse, of course.
Features
- Nylon and polyester blend
- Embroidered PUMA Cat logo
- Full-front zip and drawstring hood
Men’s Accessories: Wide Heritage Belt.
Item: 051953-01
Don’t follow the leader
Our oversized, western-style buckle skinny belt shows the world you put your pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. It also shows you choose to keep them in place with a little more style than most. Your parents always said you were a trailblazer. Looks like they were right. Giddyup.
Features
- 100% genuine distressed leather
- Western style metal buckle and latch
- Oversized PUMA and PUMA Cat logo
Women’s Footwear: Sass Women’s Golf Shoes.
Item 185077-03
This kitty has claws
You’re not on the course to look good. You’re on the course to win. The thing is, you can have both in our stylish, low profile golf shoes. Plus, our PUMA Smart Quill spikes provide you all the balance you need to really tee off on the competition. (And we’re not talking about the ladies’ tees, here.) Some might call it imprudent. You just call it being competitive. Rawr.
Features
- Soft synthetic uppers for maximum comfort
- Low profile, solid rubber, curved outsole with deep forefoot flex grooves
- Seven additional PUMA Smart Quill spikes and wrench included
- 1-year limited waterproof warranty
Women’s Apparel: Graphic T-Shirt.
Item 559081-02
Keep in touch with your athletic side
Our super soft tee lets you embrace your feminine side without abandoning your inner athlete. After all, you don’t have to wear gym clothes all the time.
Features
- Cotton/polyester blend for long-lasting comfort
- Straight cut for modern look
- Graphic print and PUMA Cat Logo for modern look
Women’s Accessories: Complete Running Beanie.
Item 843043-01
When the going gets tough
It’s raining, it’s pouring. No, wait, it’s snowing. And, for some reason, every incline you run is going to be uphill…both ways. No matter, you’re a runner. So you disregard the conditions, grab our running beanie to keep your head warm and dry as you brave the elements and, well, you run. Because that’s what runners do. They run.
Features
- Nylon/spandex blend for comfort and breathability
- U.S.P. Moisture Management to keep you warm and dry
- PUMA Cat logo for maximum style
- Reflective elements to keep you safe even when running at night
Fashion: Alexander McQueen Track Jacket.
Item 555285-01
Covert operations
Sure, runway shows aren’t known to pop up out of nowhere. Neither are ninjas. But, you never know. So, with our fleece-lined, full-front zip track jacket, designed with the late Alexander McQueen, you’ll be ready for whatever surprises life throws at you. Stylishly ready, we might add.
Features
- 100% polyester with fleece lining for comfort and warmth
- Full-front zip for easy on/off
- Contrast panel and slim cut for modern look
- Two side zip pockets for convenience
Fashion: Ferrari Vintage Logo T-Shirt.
Item 557855-03
Tee Major
They say speed kills. And, while our Ferrari tee may not make you any faster, the relaxed cut and vintage style will quickly make it a favorite choice for any of your wardrobe needs. Can looks kill? We’re about to find out.
Features
- 100% cotton for long wear
- Relaxed cut for easy layering
- Ferrari badge on sleeve and Ferrari logo graphic on chest for instant cool
Fashion: Ducati Heritage Logo Hat.
Item 556653-01
Top hat
Our Ducati inspired hat is so stylish that you’ll never have to take it off. Which is a good thing because, as well all know, “hat head” is never in style. Seriously, never. Put the hat back on.
Features
- Cotton and mesh for comfort and long wear
- Elastic sweatband for moisture control
- Stitching details, Ducati logo badge and embroidered PUMA Cat logo for instant style
Fashion: Urban Mobility Slouchy Pants.
Item 556992-02
Can’t touch this
Combining comfort with contemporary style, these pants are certainly an original take on the everyday. Just like you. They offer a draped silhouette and two open hip pockets. But the best thing about our Hussein Chalayan designed slouchy pants? They also offer the kind of style that you like best: your own.
Features
- Polyester/elastane for comfort and durability
- Draped silhouette and elasticized cuffs for contemporary look
- Two open pockets at hip for convenience
