Quick Thinking: Reaper Cheater

On January 9th, 2004, I fell asleep at the wheel of a car traveling approximately 75 mph and crashed into a tree.

True story.



My concern, of course, is while the above pictures may spin an incredible tale of my survival they also carry with them macabre undertones implying an obvious dirty truth. And that truth, dear readers, is this: I clearly cheated death.

Ocean's Eleven style, in fact.

As a result, fear of giving death another chance influences my actions because, as we all know, cheaters never win. (Unless you're Roger Clemens.) Seriously, Mr. Reaper is no joke. Ever try beating him in Castlevania on NES? No easy task. Plus, that's just a little 8-bit version. I can't imagine what the actual manifestation is capable of.

So it's with a trepidatious heart that I go under general anesthesia on Wednesday, July 20, for yet another corrective surgery on the bionic left elbow I have thanks to my poorly timed nap back in '04. The door is open again, Mr. Reaper. Please do me a favor and don't visit.

Just in case you do, though, I'd like to offer a sincere apology to all the folks out there who think I'm an asshole. For real, I'm sorry for whatever it is I did that made you feel that way. And for the small group of others who don't think I'm asshole?

Work on your judge of character.

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Quick Thinking
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-- Memo to All "Fountain of Youth" Seekers: Let go of the desire to "stay young" and enjoy the ride aging affords.

-- I mean, think about it, if the Prince of Darkness can't escape old man tits, you don't stand a chance.



-- Speaking of aging, the Beastie Boys new single Make Some Noise is stellar.

-- The bass line's crazy!

-- Mila Kunis is quickly becoming the desire of most every man and, after sharing neekid time with JT in some new movie, the envy of most every woman.

-- And the remaining men.



-- C'mon, Macaulay. Get angry and get even already. Remember, revenge is a dish best served as a sex tape of your hot ex-girlfriend.

-- Especially when said ex-girlfriend is Mila Kunis.

-- It's man law, baby!

-- Tosh.0 has jumped the shark. Just saying.

-- I'm starting to think all our economy needs for a full recovery is a pep talk from Herm Edwards.

-- Most giraffe graphics on baby clothes look far too much like penises.

-- Seriously.

-- It's creepy.