Quick Thinking: The Brady Sicks

The NFL off-season that wouldn't die began with a playoff loss to the J-E-T-S quarterbacked by a man courting 17-year-old Eliza Kruger.

Reports of "strange behavior" appear on local news broadcasts across the country.

It rose from the grave when NFL players decided to disband their union ensuring tactical flexibility in the form of an antitrust lawsuit during the owners impending lockout.

Fear spreads and citizens start boarding up their windows.

And, finally, it advanced to undead walking status when the ponytail wearing leader of Patriot Nation cried on national TV during ESPN's Year of the QB: The Brady 6.

The outbreak is official.

Grab your shotty, machete, a few red bulls and take no prisoners as the NFL's version of the zombie apocalypse engulfs us, dear readers. Unless, of course, choreographed dancing is involved because, as we all know, zombies who can boogie are great pets to have. I call "dibs" on any midget ones, though.

They don't eat as much.

------------------
Quick Thinking
------------------

-- The Bulls will win the NBA Championship this year.

-- I can take the fashion decisions influenced by your supermodel wife, Tom. What I can't take, however, is watching you cry for ESPN's cameras while your championship window is closing.

-- Lock it up, brother.

-- No one in Red Sox Nation misses John Farrell more than I do.

-- Hey, Feds, at least the country hasn't been suffering through tough economic times while you pissed away millions over eight years trying to put Barry Bonds behind bars.

-- Politically charged witch hunt, anyone?

-- I'll never stop eating Cocoa Pebbles.

-- And you can't make me.

-- With 1/16th of the season behind us, the "best" team in baseball has the worst record. I wonder who saw that coming?

-- Gooooooooo, ME!

-- Saying, "I told you so" would be a bit childish. So I'll go with the age old adage, "measure twice, cut once" to convey my sentiment.

-- Give it a minute.

-- Understatement of the Week Award goes to whoever pens movie blurbs at Direct TV for describing Deliverance as, "Nature and mountain men humble four Atlanta businessmen on a canoe trip in the Appalachian wilds."

-- Silly me for not realizing "humble" was synonymous with "ass rape."