Quick Thinking: Superlative?

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, dear readers. And, while imitation is nice and all, giving people awards is a considerable form of flattery too, right? Going through some old files I came across one such award from my high school days in the shape of a superlative: Best Dressed Male, Class of '93.

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Obviously "best dressed" was a loose term in '93. Any young man living during an era of boat shoes, BUM Equipment and pegged pants can't be awarded anything synonymous with good fashion sense.

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I think the logical train of thought is obvious: what kind of superlatives would you award the folks in your life today? Those of us in relationships have a canned response echoing the sentiment, "our partner is all the superlative we'll ever need." And that answer might work if not for an epic drinking game I played in college teaching me to call...BULLSHIT!

I understand most of us lack the freedom from consequence allowing superlatives to be awarded in our adult lives. However, I also imagine each one of us has a mental list of first responders if pressed for such intimate information.

Consider yourself officially pressed.

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Quick Thinking
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-- Fatherly Advice of the Week is for all you "Playas" out there trying to get that hot girl by throwing money around. Stop. Instead, try asking a few questions, discover what life experiences humanize the hotness and nurture them.

-- Or exploit them. Whatever works.

-- Just remember: One can be "the man" without being "the bank."

-- With the over saturated coverage of college basketball already beginning as we prepare for the madness, one thing is painfully clear to me: Doug Gottlieb needs to stop borrowing his father's suits.

-- C'mon, Doug, you're a regular in Bristol now. Go to the tailor.

-- Speaking of ESPN, Sage Steele has been getting quite a bit of face time on SportsCenter lately and the obvious play-on-words is she's "spicy."

-- Quote of the Week goes to a frustrated coworker who said the following when management questioned his ability to set client expectations during a sales cycle, "I'm 155 million percent clear with clients to control their expectations!"

-- Hyperbole much?

-- In an attempt to bring some levity to the argument, my interjection earns me Quote of the Week II honors for the second straight week, "Don't be so modest, I think you're definitely closer to 156 million percent."

-- There's no truth to the rumor that during games next season Tom Brady will have his usual play call "cheat sheet" on one wrist and a scrunchie on the other.

-- Question of the Week: How many Super Bowl winning quarterbacks wore ponytails? (answer near bottom of blog.)

-- In the aftermath of The Week of Winning starring Charlie Sheen, do you think Denise Richards is celebrating the escape from her ex-husband's winning world or suffering from a severe case of autophobia for having inhabited it?



-- Her picture may not help answer the question, but I'm pretty sure it possesses inherent medicinal qualities.

-- Since when did mediocre football players announcing their "unretirement" become news worthy?

-- Actually, since when did mediocre players unretire?

-- At least your timing isn't bad or anything, Tiki. Nothing like buying a ticket on the Titanic when it's already sinking.

-- I know basketball is an emotional game, but I have a hard time believing any Miami Heat player would be moved to tears following a regular season loss.

-- I do, however, imagine Dwayne Wade sheds a few tears when stumbling across pictures of him and former girlfriend, Star Jones.

-- That's right. Dwayne Wade dated Star Jones.

-- Answer of the Week: It's a trick question, you silly fuck. Men with ponytails use leave-in conditioner, they don't win Super Bowls.

-- Mos Def's new single World Premiere is absolute fire.

-- And I'm not talking about the painful kind Joe Chlamydia has.