Quick Thinking: Above the Influence

This week's opening statement may be hard to believe, dear readers, so brace yourselves: I influence people.

That's right, I said it.

And I'm not talking about the peer-pressure-drink-this-drink kind of influence. I'm talking about the kind responsible for shaping individuals as the calendar transforms formative years into young adulthood.

Exhibit A comes in the form of my nephew. While getting his "writing on" in Journalism class Tyge, or TJ3, wrote the following about yours truly, "(Uncle) Terry is basically that older brother I always wanted and the man I can go to for any type of life question or problem that I have."

I'm not sure what's more flattering, the fact that he said he can come to me with any type of life question or that he referred to me as a "man." It's the proverbial coin flip situation if you ask me.

Exhibit B comes from, well, nowhere. There isn't an Exhibit B...yet. But one's influential footprint has to start somewhere.

Kool-Aid anyone?

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Quick Thinking
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-- I stumbled across Wedding Crashers on cable the other day and, simply put, that movie never gets old.

-- Ever, you motor boatin' son-of-a-bitch!

-- Here come Rex and the Jets, y'all. Please make sure your seat belts are fastened, your tray tables are in their upright and locked position and your carry-on, along with any open-toed shoes, are securely stored under the seat in front of you.

-- While informative, Ron Jaworski's The Games That Changed the Game: The Evolution of the NFL in Seven Sundays would be better served as an ESPN mini-series.

-- Was the Big Shamrock brought in to bolster our front court or to help Rondo with his foul shooting?

-- Sorry about the break-up, Macauley, but no man can compete with two weeks of Timberlake nakedness. It's like relationship kryptonite.

-- I can only assume you're prepared to be Home Alone.

-- But you know what they say happens when you assume.

-- Big ups to the infomercial world for convincing my nephew he couldn't unlock his body's full potential without the newest advancement in at-home fitness: Shake Weight.

-- I guess masturbating like every other teenager just wasn't good enough.

-- Sexual orientation is inconsequential when measuring the value of a person. Their behavior, however, is not. So if you're an asshole, gay or straight, stop being an asshole.

--Who dat. Who dat. Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?

-- Oh, the 7-9 Seahawks did?

-- My bad. Tavel home safe, Saint Nation.

-- At least you'll have another week to start your off season mole-removing regimen, Mr. Brees.

-- Memo to All the Professional Athletes Out There Who Keep Sexting Their Junk to the "Official" & O.P.P. Ladies in Their Lives: Please stop. You're bringing unwanted attention to the greatest benefit of these silly cell phones we all can't seemingly live without.

-- No, seriously. Stop.

-- Idiot Award of the Week goes to an unnamed co-worker for saying the following while engaged in "locker room talk" about the NFL Playoffs during business hours, "The Pats are lucky. They only have the best record in the NFL because all the good team they beat played bad against them."

-- Um, what?

-- And he actually said it with a great deal of conviction.

-- Idiot Award of the Week II goes to that same unnamed co-worker for following the above nugget of idiocy with, "Don't be surprised when Kansas City beats them and goes on to win the Super Bowl."

-- The only thing that surprises me, dear co-worker, is the level of conviction in your voice when uttering such drivel.

-- And the fact that you have a college degree.

-- The void created by a Patriots' bye week was filled thanks to the familiar fictional exploits of Hank Moody.

-- Welcome back, Hank. I missed you and all the starlet nakedness surrounding you.

-- Success is best achieved, and measured, by group effort.

-- Not individual achievement.

-- We're putting the Morbid Fact of the Week noose around 16-year-old Thomas Granger for being the first reported hanging in Massachusetts in 1642 for the death penalty worthy offense of "buggery."

-- More specifically, buggery in the form of fornicating with a mare, a cow, two goats, a sheep, two calves and a turkey.

-- Good thing I went through puberty in the 1980's.

-- Ten years of dominance has made me eternally thankful for the "tuck" rule.

-- And I'm not talking about the Buffalo Bill kind.