The Morning After: Spring Ahead

Spring is in the air, dear readers.

Enjoy accordingly.

------------------
Quick Thinking
------------------

-- Nomar's retirement as an injury prone journeyman does zero justice to the nine wicked good Hall of Fame caliber years he had in a Red Sox uniform.

-- Good luck at ESPN, Nomah. Thanks for the memories.

-- I understand the privilege and entitlement that must accompany being a premiere quarterback for the Steelers, Big Ben, but take that bulls-eye off your back and keep your libido at bay.

-- I've written a little song to save you when your bodyguards fail to keep you out of compromising situations when you're partying:

"Step 1: Keep your junk in your pants.
Step 2: Check that your junk's in your pants.
Step 3: Make sure your junk's in your pants.
And that's the way you do it, It's your junk in your pants!"

-- It'll be your wallet's favorite song.

-- Trust me.

-- NOOOOOMMAAAHH!

-- Alice in Wonderland Syndrome, a rare neurological condition, causes those who suffer from it to see their every day environments -- including objects and individuals -- askew.

-- So THAT'S what's wrong with me.

-- Homework Assignment of the Week goes to Ron Artest and his tragic hair experiment accomplice Boogie the Barber: See Rodman, Dennis. (1986-2000) Poor Decisions for Dummies...and NBA Players. Detroit, San Antonio, Chicago: Publisher's Press.



-- Turning the clocks ahead this weekend is just another in a long list of signs that Spring is right around the corner.

-- So is Opening Day.

-- Resigning Nomar so he could retire in a Red Sox uniform is the best shortstop acquisition the Sox have made since, um, signing Nomar.

-- Memo of the Week goes to every upstart talent in the NBA who might play the Lakers in the playoffs: Let sleeping dogs lie, fellas. Don't challenge Kobe.

-- Unless you're in Denver.

-- Run To Home Base Update of the Week: We're off to a great start with $95.00 in donations!

-- Congratulations to The Hurt Locker for winning Best Picture at this year's Academy Awards.

-- Or, as I like to call it, The Redneck's Rocky.

-- I know he's an elite businessman and must be very intelligent but every time I hear Robert Kraft speak he sounds drunk.

-- I hope he, unlike Broadway Joe, cares about his team
stru--gg--ling.

-- NOOOOMMMMMMAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!