The Morning After: Week 6

Snow-Out

There's really not much to say this week, Patriot Nation.

Sunday's beatdown was the "perfect storm" of the New England Patriots playing well and the Tennesse Titans mailing it in. Or, maybe, Jeff Fisher's boys were just "a-scared" of the snow. Either way, the game reminded me of my college days when I was owning people in Tecmo Super Bowl.

I was unstoppable playing as the Pittsburgh Steelers.

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Quick Thinking
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-- The Patriots aren't as good as they looked on Sunday and not as bad as they looked against Denver in the second half last Sunday. At 4-2 they're atop the AFC East and sparking optimism.

-- But I'll stay my judgement until they face the Colts following their bye week on Nov. 15th.

-- Memo to Meghan McCain: Try "spontaneously" hitting a treadmill instead of wearing a push up bra, pouting your lips and posting the picture on your twitter account.



-- Mariano Rivera's recent warm-up routine in game 3 of the ALCS shows that spitters aren't always necessarily quitters.

-- Sometimes they're just cheaters.

-- Quote of the Week comes from Big Nick when watching the Patriots game at a dive bar on Sunday. While waiting for her order from the bartender, an overweight woman standing near me titled her head, smelled my shirt and asked, "Smells good, what cologne?" to which I replied, "I think it's just my fabric softener." As I turned back to the game, Big Nick leaned over and quipped, "No. It's that new Calvin Klein scent, 'Snowball's Chance.'"

-- Good looking out, Nick. Thanks for making Guinness shoot out my nose.

-- Can someone please explain to me the allure of Jon & Kate Plus 8?

-- If "providing inspiration" is the new criteria for being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, Hugh Hefner should be practicing his acceptance speech for next year.

-- Brady's performance on Sunday matched the TD output from his previous 5 starts.

-- Women like Elisabetta Canalis, Clooney's newest girlfriend, provide the security I need to continue my man crush on the artist formerly known as Doug Ross, M.D.



-- An umpire addressing the media at a post-game news conference apologizing for blown calls is reason # 5,000,872 that Major League Baseball needs to begin full-game usage of instant replay.

-- Dante Wesley's hit on Clifton Smith was cowardice personified.

-- Real friendship isn't about remembering your best friend's birthday every year, it's about being able to forget their birthday without any disappointment or hurt feelings.

-- "Where the Wild Things Are" is a 2009 version of "The Banana Splits" without the instruments.

-- And in desperate need of some Prozac.

-- I don't miss Dane Cook.

-- Not even a little bit.

-- You know you're too old for your surroundings when everybody else smells like an Abercrombie & Fitch store.

-- "Slumdog Millionaire", an incredibly unrealistic love story with a happy ending, superbly supplies what all movie-goers are longing for: escapism.

-- Steve Phillips' lost his wife, house and, in all likeliness, his second high profile job because of an extramarital affair with Brooke Hundley, a production assistant at ESPN, who looks like the love child of Meatloaf and Rosie.

-- But, on the bright side, she has a wicked cool blaster.



-- Listen to Yoda about the dark side you should have, Steve.

-- Maybe he has PGAD.

-- For those who don't know, PGAD is a newly described disorder that is not yet fully understood and refers to the experience of persistent feelings of genital arousal that are not associated with sexual stimulation of any kind.

-- When I was young it wasn't called "PGAD." It was called "Puberty."

-- Or Hoggin'.

-- Uncomfortable Conversation of the Week comes from a couple that were standing much too close to me at a bar this weekend:

Girl: "Thanks for carrying me to my car last weekend. I was wasted."

Guy: "I didn't carry you anywhere. We hooked up in my car."

Girl: "Oh. Thanks, anyways."

-- And, somewhere, a father weeps.