ONE: Youngest In Charge
Personal growth or, rather, change is inevitable, dear readers.
Inevitable.
Regardless of one's age, education level, profession, life hurdles -- real or imagined -- dreams and desires, we eventually succumb to some kind of personal growth. (I use the word "succumb" because change comes at a very high cost for most of us.)
The fortunate few experience it early on and are gifted with the ability to apply what they've learned resulting in that novel concept called "happiness." The majority of us, however, are so oblivious to a need for change in our lives, we never do or, even worse, we realize the need only when it's too late.
Deathbed regret typically follows.
Bucketlist woes aside, though, change can also take on a lighter form. Like taste in music, for example.
My nephew Brennan is experiencing one such change and has a new found affinity for "old school" hip-hop. Being my favorite music genre, he naturally came to me asking for the likes of early Jay-Z, Biggie Smalls, & ATCQ. While sharing my iTunes library, I asked: "What about Special Ed? Or Slick Rick."
His response was simply, "I guess, but who are they?"
Blasphemy. Absolute blasphemy.
I guess I can't really blame him for not knowing who two of the greatest hip-hop pioneers are considering he was born in 1996. But it behooves me to remedy his lack of knowledge. Below is the first in a series of attempts to educate him.
This is who they are, Brennan.
Enjoy.
TWO: Life Lesson #45,002,041,033
They say experience is the cruelest teacher and I, for one, will have to agree. I find little solace in knowing any lesson worth learning is worth learning hard.
I'd rather leave that shit to Bruce Willis.
Today's hard lesson comes in the form of heartache. Like not-being-able-to-eat-or-drink-or-think-straight-or-sleep heartache. The kind of heartache I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The kind of heartache I hope to shield my son from as he ages and ventures into the world of relationships.
Yup, serious heartache.
The lesson centers around my relationship stance. Back in December of 2009, in my Define Cheating blog, I wrote, "Cheating is inevitable while true monogamy is a fairytale our parents silently preach during cookouts & holidays." Turns out I was wrong.
Dead wrong, in fact.
My most recent relationship is proof that monogamy is not only possible, it's obtainable. In reality, it's preferable. I recently dated a beautiful young woman with -- for the first time in my life -- absolute clarity of desire. And I mean absolute clarity. She was always on my mind and my focus was solely on being her boyfriend. Her counterpart. The irony, of course, is now that I've learned the one thing I never thought achievable in a relationship is just that, achievable, said relationship ended. Ouch.
Lesson learned.
It's clear my past "cheating is inevitable" concession was a rationalization. It provided me an excuse to do so along with a defense mechanism if it was done to me. In retrospect, I wish I had given other girlfriends the same gift of monogamy. Not so we'd still be together or anything, but because that's what people deserve. That's what I deserve. But, hey, you know what they say:
Woulda.
Coulda.
Shoulda.
The result is a promise. A promise I'll never agree to be in a relationship without that same clarity. I know it seems simple, but people get into relationships for all sorts of reasons when their heart truly isn't "in it." That will never happen to me again. I'm heartbroken my most recent relationship has ended, but I'm so thankful it taught me monogamy is a reality.
