ONE: Age Awareness
I've always felt I was aging gracefully. That is, until recently.
My mother gifted me with a baby face confounding even the most astute age prognosticators. Fatherhood actually makes me feel younger than I am at times. And, while I'm a bit thinner on top, I figure I'm doing pretty good at a field-goal away from 40. But then I looked down after a recent manscaping session and it hit me: my balls are looking pretty fucking wrinkled.
That's right. I said it.
My newly noticed wrinkly balls made me feel suddenly old.
The thing is, I'm not sure if they've always been this wrinkled or not. I mean, all balls are wrinkled, right? Do balls get more wrinkled as you age? I have been using more blue label Gold Bond powder than lotion lately, though, so maybe that as opposed to age is the culprit.
Don't judge me. I like how it tingles.
TWO: Big Contradictions in Small Packages
Speaking of age, the older I get the more I realize one's profession dictates how one is perceived by others. And I'm not talking about doctors or lawyers being respected because of their chosen careers, y'all. What I am talking about is how an individual's profession can be used as an excuse for his behavior.
Let's take the old Napoleon Complex as a for instance. You know, men who's insecurity is overcome with excessive compensation. We all have a few men of small stature in our lives who can be a bit on the abrasive side. But, instead of universally labeling each an "asshole," we let their job mandate our opinion of them.
Small athletes are applauded for their effort and big hearts. Small white collar professionals are awarded for their tenacity. Small blue collar workers are credited as being "the salt of the earth." Socially, these guys are just assholes, but their jobs provide a cloak of acceptance and tolerance.
And I'm not saying it's a ubiquitous theorem or anything. It works in most cases, but not all. I mean, small porn stars are, well, just small.
But I'm sure they try real hard.
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