Quick Thinking: Sleight of Hand

While discussing his new book Imperfect: An Improbable Life on ESPN Radio's The Herd Wednesday morning, Jim Abbott reflected on one of his greatest professional achievements: pitching a no-hitter at Yankee Stadium against the Cleveland Indians in 1993.

Think about that for a second.

Jim Abbott pitched a no-hitter with one hand. A no-hitter. With one hand.

Shit, the only thing I can do using one hand with any proficiency is masturbate. And I still need some help in the form of Warm Vanilla Sugar to get the job done. But a man who can't do push-ups , play patty-cake, or applaud his own efforts pitched a no-hitter.

Improbable indeed.

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Quick Thinking
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-- Despite their post All-Star break improvements, the Celtics have no shot at winning a championship this year.

-- No shot.

-- No.

-- Shot.

-- Same goes for this year's iteration of the Red Sox.

-- "I Call Bullshit!" Award of the Week goes to Baylor standout Brittney Griner for telling USA basketball officials she would not play in this summer's London Olympics citing "summer school course load" and some sort of "family illness."

-- Would have been more believable if she said she had to wash her hair.

-- Has to make you wonder why an athlete would forgo a chance to represent her country and build a brand for future endorsement deals because she needs to "go to class."

-- Can't have anything to do with those pesky blood & urine tests Olympic athletes are subject to, can it?

-- Or the fact that she would probably have to take the later standing up.

-- Speaking of which, melting urinal cakes seems more like an Olympic sport than curling.

-- Just saying.

-- Memo to the Producers of the Recently Announced Entourage Movie: The easiest way to guarantee the movie's success is by paying Sloan whatever it takes to get nude on camera.

-- Having her character make a bad decision by showing some skin can't be that tough of a sell, right?



-- I mean, c'mon, it's not like we're asking her to marry "E."

-- Oh, wait...

-- Watching America's Game: The Patriots on NFL Network served as a great reminder of when Brady used to deliver in the 4th Quarter of big games. Remember the last time that happened?

-- Ya, me neither.

Really, Really Quick Thinking: Chop Block

A very famous writer once said the best way to overcome writer's block is by "writing something embarrassingly honest."

Sounds a little nonsensical to me. But, then again, it may be sage advice. (Plus, at this point, I'm willing to try anything that will help me rediscover my muse.) Ok, so here goes. One embarrassing truth coming up.

Drum roll, please.

Sometimes I sit down to pee.

That's right. I said it. (Well, wrote it.)

I hope it works.