Holiday Wish

Circles of influence surround us all, dear readers. The trick, of course, is to figure out which circles you're in while maintaining some sense of individuality as to not fall victim to said influences.

Whew, that was wordy. 

Said more plainly: we're all affected by our world effects. And, while that statement seems painfully obvious to most, its risks aren't recognized as readily. 

Every circle of influence you add to your life -- friends, family, career, relationships, hobbies, purchases, memories, etc. -- comes with the inherent risk of character compromise.

SIDE NOTE: START

Yes, memories qualify as a circle of influence. So do purchases. People love "stuff" just for the sake of having "more" of it. I would actually argue memories are the single largest circle of influence for the vast majority. Our minds are designed to romanticize the past, ignore the present and wishfully long for a better future by doing as little work as possible. Sounds crazy when read aloud, doesn't it? Would you run a business, play a sport or raise a child with that mentality? Of course you wouldn't.

But why do so many live their lives that way?

SIDE NOTE: END

Sometimes the compromise is big. Other times, the compromise is so small it doesn't register. Both compromises, however, have a cumulative effect and, ultimately, dictate that demise of individuality...one life change at a time.

My wish for everyone this holiday season is to see the circles of influence in life for what they are -- and what they might add to life's short journey -- but do not let them define who you are. Only you can do that.   

Said more plainly: be affected by your world effects but don't let them rule you. 

Being different is different. 

But not it a bad way.

Quick Thinking: The Break-Up Boogie

The circus that is now the Miami Dolphins has become more nonsensical than the story line depicted in the first Ace Ventura: Pet Detective movie. 

No easy feat.

As media scrutiny continues to increase -- if that's at all possible --  and more details arise, the fallout between Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin feels less like a case of "I feel bullied so I'm taking my ball and going home" and more like a "scorned lover syndrome" situation.

There, I said it.

Think about it for a second. The one thing crazier than falling in love is watching two people who once loved each other fall out of it, right? And this situation filled with texts, voicemails and hearsay is as batshit-crazy as it gets. C'mon, we've all seen it happen, y'all, and the result is usually this unimaginable emotional two-step all folks never think they'll do despite its inherent inevitability.

Don't roll your eyes.

In my experience the only type of person that saves a voicemail for over a year and then releases it for others to listen too is heartbroken. It screams "oh, you don't love me anymore? I'll show you!" Add the fact this "he said, he said" sideshow has all the ingredients of two people doing the break-up boogie and the possibility doesn't seem so far-fetched. 

After all, hell hath no fury like an athlete scorned.

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Quick Thinking
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-- I'm learning most people operate based not on what they want but, rather, what they don't want others to have.

-- Give it some thought and I think you'll agree.

-- I've been eating so much trail mix lately my poop is starting to look like granola.

-- True story.

-- Hollywood has certainly taken some creative license with Captain Phillips, a movie detailing the famous real-life rescue of Maersk captain Richard Phillips from Somali pirates, but it's worth seeing for no other reason than per usual Tom Hanks kills it.

-- The Crypt Keeper kills it as head pirate Muse, too.

-- Memo to Mike Napoli: As your contract search brings other suitors, don't feel bad for taking your talents (and beard) outside of Red Sox Nation. You were part of a historical season who's magic will never be duplicated so do what everyone should: appreciate this past season for what it was and turn the page. 

-- As you prepare for Monday Night's showdown with upstart Carolina and the rest of this season, remember the Patriots are a collective 26-4 following their bye week over the past 3 seasons. 

-- Yup, that's a .866 win percentage.

-- Or what we in the betting world like to call "cement."

-- Thought the same of Tennessee against Jacksonville in my suicide pool yesterday though, too.

-- And we both know how that turned out.

2 Things: This Place Is A Zoo

ONE: Passing Me By

It seems life's journey -- the one of discovery -- can be highlighted by the least likely of places. My virgin voyage as a father visiting the zoo gave me pause and wonder as I watched my son walking around, playing the role of an independent little man, pointing, talking and working his was through his immediate world.

The old adage "they grow up so fast" doesn't quite do justice to the experience.

Carrying him on my shoulders for the second leg of the journey and talking about all the animals we were "visiting" was just as humbling providing further proof that being Declan's father is one job I was most definitely made for.

Plus, the experience also afforded me the greatest "it wasn't me" atmosphere in existence. Every time I farted I was able to blame it on the animals and have the statement believed with absolute certainty even on the drive home.

"Oh, man, my clothes still smell like manure. Brutal."

Worked like a charm.

TWO: Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

Game 6 of the World Series in Boston tonight offers true fans an opportunity to experience the taste of championship victory celebrated at Fenway Park for the first time in almost 100 years. 100 years.

Think about that. 

A century. Lots of shit went down in the past century.

Lots.

And while I don't have tickets, and certainly don't plan on buying any, I am going on an adventure to watch the game at a bar near the ball park. If they lose, oh well.

But if they win...

2 Things: Slowly Developing Chemistry

ONE: Slow Motion For Me

Watching professional baseball players batting, pitching and throwing during postseason play in slow motion is pretty impressive.

Really impressive, in fact.

Seeing real time, split second moments like a batter turning his wrists when making contact with a breaking ball or the subtleties of a pitcher's grip when throwing a two-seam fastball helps highlight the incredible talent and skill it takes for these athletes to perform at such a high level. With pitchers, you even get to see that useless bit of elbow skin we all have do a funky little dance.

Shake it fast, y'all.

The post-game celebratory man hugs, however, are not so impressive. I mean, seriously, man hugs look awkward in "real" time.

Spare me the slow motion versions.

TWO: Breaking Bad

A short hiatus between leaving my old job and starting my new one has gifted me the time we all daydream about when big life changes present themselves.

The free time has afforded me a chance to settle into my new home, spend quality time with my fiancee who uprooted her life to become a big part of mine, soak in every moment when my young son is around as well as seeing other friends & family members. I've even spent quite a bit of time looking for decorative home ideas on Pinterest.com.

My username is MrsHairPants, by the way.

The free time -- coupled with waiting 7 days for the cable company to get me hooked up -- also allowed me to discover a little show titled "Breaking Bad" while streaming shows on Netflix between following Red Sox games on my mobile phone.

Have you heard of it? It's on AMC, I believe.

And, after binge watching the entire series in about 10 days, I can say with a great deal of certainty that it's one of the greatest television shows of all time. If you haven't done so, I highly recommend watching it.

Just remember to tread lightly during the later episodes.

Quick Thinking: The Good, The Sad and The Stupid

The non-stop coverage of Aaron Hernandez's murder arrest fiasco has quickly evolved into a daily buzz-kill that needs to stop.

Seriously.

I know we live in a 24-hour news cycle world and all, but can't we find something positive to focus on once in while? Once a day might be a stretch, but how about once a week? Maybe once a month? Anyone? Anyone?

Bueller? Bueller?

Mr. Hernandez lived a double life. We get it. He lacked the common sense to distance himself from a lifestyle his talents afforded distance from. Add entitled arrogance with a sprinkle of brazen clashes and you get a tragic hero who threw a promising life away for what seems to be some sort of street code based on tattoos and thuggery.

You want to know what the saddest part about Aaron's downfall is? His story provides yet another in a long list of examples of how our society is compelled by tragedy.

It seems most of us even identify with it.

The endless "every angle" coverage of negative events by the media certainly doesn't help. How can it? Media outlets don't care about the human condition, they care only about the ratings generated from exploiting it. And people wonder why there never seems to be anything positive to report anymore.

"Goodness" seems to be passing us by when it reality it's slowly being suffocated. It's turned into a myth, an ideal that people used to see but has disappeared and is only now discussed as a rumor or faint memory. It's just a matter of time before it becomes urban legend.

Like Bigfoot.

Tough to see good in the world when you stop paying attention to it, y'all.

Especially when TV ratings are involved.

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Quick Thinking
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-- Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines is quickly becoming the official Summer Anthem of 2013.

-- Get Lucky by Daft Punk is a very, very close second.

-- And Pharrell having his hands in both in no coincidence.

-- Hey.

-- Hey.

-- Hey.

-- I think the social stigma surrounding the inadequacies of men who experience premature ejaculation could be remedied if instead we heralded them simply as "first responders."

-- Self-emancipating from my personal Facebook account felt a lot like taking the red pill.

-- The symbolism is too obvious to ignore. #thereisnospoon

-- Am I the only one who separates automatic doors by spreading my hands when I approach them to feel like I have a super power?

-- That's kinda what I thought.

-- Just another sign my overactive imagination is getting the better of me more often than not lately.

-- Rust-Oleum recently released a "revolutionary super hydrophobic system" called NeverWet.

-- Any surface you spray it on will, appropriately, never get wet.

-- To be honest, I don't understand what's so "revolutionary" about it.

-- I've been doing the same for every girl I've come into contact with since puberty hit in the late 80's.

Quick Thinking: Gym, Tan...

This next admission may surprise a lot of you seeing that I'm from Rhode Island - a state second only to New Jersey in its love of tanning salons - but, believe it or not, I don't have a ton of "going tanning" experience.

Believe it.

I did, however, learn the first rule of tanning booth etiquette the hard way yesterday and I feel compelled to pass this information on to all of you today. Said lesson, similar to the rules of engagement during sex, is simply this: clench, don't release.

While attempting to desperately hang on to the tan I acquired during a recent trip to the Cayman Islands I went tanning yesterday. The high-powered ceiling fan provides nothing but false hope, dear readers, so do not, I repeat, DO NOT fart while in a standing tanning booth.

Or any tanning booth for that matter.

The result is a methane and food infused, skin-burned stench of epic proportions that no man or woman should ever have to endure.

Ever.

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Quick Thinking
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-- Anthony Rodriguez is the biggest albatross in the history of professional sports.

-- And the Yankees are paying him 28 million dollars this year for his, um, "contributions."

-- But, hey, at least he's not caught in another PED controversy or anything.

-- Red Sox Nation should thank their lucky stars we were usurped by the Yankees when attempting to sign him back in 2003.

-- We should also thank our lucky stars for the yearly re-signing of Big Papi.

-- The anti-ARod.

-- Mariah Carey needs to go away.

-- Sad Social Commentary Note of the Week: The most honest person in an individual's life is the one who has nothing to gain - perceived or actual - by association.

-- Let that statement simmer before you disregard based on its "obvious scale" score.

-- Sad Social Commentary Note of the Week II: The saddest part is those people are almost always dismissed by individuals as "strangers" who "don't know what the hell they're talking about."

-- Maybe they do, though.

-- The current iteration of this Bruins' team actually has me tuning in.

-- I love hockey.

-- Rest in Peace Esther Williams, the former Olympic swimmer and actress, who passed away in her sleep yesterday at the ripe old age of 91.

-- She achieved mythical sex symbol status in the 40's and was affectionately dubbed "Hollywood's Mermaid."

-- I've always been more partial to female centaurs myself.

-- But that's me.

-- Hopefully fellow Olympian and wanna-be actor Ryan Lochte follows in her footsteps.

2 Things: Special Ed(ucation)

ONE: Youngest In Charge

Personal growth or, rather, change is inevitable, dear readers.

Inevitable.

Regardless of one's age, education level, profession, life hurdles -- real or imagined -- dreams and desires, we eventually succumb to some kind of personal growth. (I use the word "succumb" because change comes at a very high cost for most of us.)

The fortunate few experience it early on and are gifted with the ability to apply what they've learned resulting in that novel concept called "happiness." The majority of us, however, are so oblivious to a need for change in our lives, we never do or, even worse, we realize the need only when it's too late.

Deathbed regret typically follows.

Bucketlist woes aside, though, change can also take on a lighter form. Like taste in music, for example.

My nephew Brennan is experiencing one such change and has a new found affinity for "old school" hip-hop. Being my favorite music genre, he naturally came to me asking for the likes of early Jay-Z, Biggie Smalls, & ATCQ. While sharing my iTunes library, I asked: "What about Special Ed? Or Slick Rick."

His response was simply, "I guess, but who are they?"

Blasphemy. Absolute blasphemy.

I guess I can't really blame him for not knowing who two of the greatest hip-hop pioneers are considering he was born in 1996. But it behooves me to remedy his lack of knowledge. Below is the first in a series of attempts to educate him.

This is who they are, Brennan.

Enjoy.




TWO: Life Lesson #45,002,041,033

They say experience is the cruelest teacher and I, for one, will have to agree. I find little solace in knowing any lesson worth learning is worth learning hard.

I'd rather leave that shit to Bruce Willis.

Today's hard lesson comes in the form of heartache. Like not-being-able-to-eat-or-drink-or-think-straight-or-sleep heartache. The kind of heartache I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The kind of heartache I hope to shield my son from as he ages and ventures into the world of relationships.

Yup, serious heartache.

The lesson centers around my relationship stance. Back in December of 2009, in my Define Cheating blog, I wrote, "Cheating is inevitable while true monogamy is a fairytale our parents silently preach during cookouts & holidays." Turns out I was wrong.

Dead wrong, in fact.

My most recent relationship is proof that monogamy is not only possible, it's obtainable. In reality, it's preferable. I recently dated a beautiful young woman with -- for the first time in my life -- absolute clarity of desire. And I mean absolute clarity. She was always on my mind and my focus was solely on being her boyfriend. Her counterpart. The irony, of course, is now that I've learned the one thing I never thought achievable in a relationship is just that, achievable, said relationship ended. Ouch.

Lesson learned.

It's clear my past "cheating is inevitable" concession was a rationalization. It provided me an excuse to do so along with a defense mechanism if it was done to me. In retrospect, I wish I had given other girlfriends the same gift of monogamy. Not so we'd still be together or anything, but because that's what people deserve. That's what I deserve. But, hey, you know what they say:

Woulda.

Coulda.

Shoulda.

The result is a promise. A promise I'll never agree to be in a relationship without that same clarity. I know it seems simple, but people get into relationships for all sorts of reasons when their heart truly isn't "in it." That will never happen to me again. I'm heartbroken my most recent relationship has ended, but I'm so thankful it taught me monogamy is a reality.